Back at the beginning of this year, I posted a reader survey to see what my Gorgeous Fam wanted to see more of. I expected it would be hands down YouTube videos, and that was a major request. But surprisingly, I had a huge response in the Lifestyle category, requesting more “Lifestyle” type content. I found out just how accurate this response was after releasing posts such as “Reasons to Love Small Breasts“, “5 Truths About Being Married to an Actor” and “10 Symptoms After Coming Off Birth Control“. These posts are easily my most engaged by my readers. That fact opened my eyes. I realized that you’re most likely here, reading this very post, because you want more than just outfit or makeup inspiration. A good percentage of you relate to me (and I relate to you!) and that very realization inspired this new blog series.
Introducing: Girl Talk Tuesday! On Tuesdays, I’m attempting to tackle a subject that affects you and I, the millennial woman. Who are millennial women, you ask? We are the women between the ages of 22 and 36. Don’t fall in that category? That’s okay! You more than likely will also benefit from this ongoing series. After all, regardless of age, we’re all girls, right? Right.
Today I’m tackling a toughie. This topic is something I’ve battled my entire life, along with a large percentage of the women who are reading this post. We’re diving deep into the world of insecurity. Why insecurity? Well… Why not? Mostly, my inspiration for this topic being my first in the series is because I just finished reading Beth Moore’s book, “So Long, Insecurity“. I learned so much about myself through reading this book, so I highly recommend it to every and any woman who suffers from self-doubt.
Maybe it’s too personal for me to open up and talk about my own battle with insecurity. But, hey, I’ve talked about everything from birth control to what undies I wear, so why wouldn’t I talk about it?
Insecurity often starts at a young age for girls, or at least it did for me. Maybe it’s genetic or maybe it’s learned, regardless, I want to unlearn it. I think a lot of women don’t even realize that their issue is insecurity. They associate that stinky word with not trusting their man/relationship, or something similar. But it’s so much more than that.
The definition of insecurity is: uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence. Ouch. Ever lack confidence in yourself? I have and I do. Ever second guess yourself? Always. I often play and replay things that I’ve said to someone. I beat myself up about my tone or how I responded, trying to figure out if the other person took what or how I said something the wrong way. I often feel the need to apologize for the silliest, little things… Basically I sometimes apologize even when an apology isn’t needed or expected. I’m always so afraid of hurting someone’s feelings. Want to know what’s so crazy about that? I myself am not a hyper-sensitive person. I don’t get my feathers ruffled very easily, yet I spend so much of my own time worrying about ruffling someone else’s feathers.
Maybe you’re secure with yourself, but you have a woman in your life who you think may be suffering from severe insecurity. A few signs may be:
- They may tear themselves down.
- They may tear others down to make themselves look or feel better.
- They may have a hard time accepting, acknowledging or congratulating someone else on their good news or accomplishments (jealous; unable to compliment).
- They may need validation.
- They may try to make others feel insecure.
- They may constantly live their life in a state of comparison.
- They may have a hard time maintaining eye contact.
- They may make jokes at their own expense.
Any of these traits sound familiar? Perhaps in yourself or maybe in someone you know. The sooner you recognize what the root issue is (insecurity), the sooner you can deal with it.
Here are a few pointers I learned from Beth Moore’s book:
- We can think another woman is beautiful without thinking we are ugly.
- We can esteem another woman’s achievements without feeling like an idiot.
- We can appreciate another woman’s terrific body/shape without feeling like a total slob.
- The question we should all ask ourselves: why do we have to subtract value from ourselves in order to give credit to someone else? Insecurity is the cause of our bad math.
These are all SO TRUE. Why do we think just because another woman is (fill in the blank) it makes us less of a woman? Why do we ever feel the need to compare ourselves to anyone else? God made us exactly who we were meant to be, yet we’re never happy with His creation (ourselves).
I once heard Heather Dubrow (Real Housewives of Orange County) say that she decided from a young age that she didn’t need any else’s opinion. Can you imagine the freedom in that decision? To be that confident? It really is possible!
Here are a few of my ideas to help us boost our own confidence.
- Figure out the root of your insecurity. Is it your looks? Maybe it’s your weight? Perhaps it’s your intelligence. Whatever it is, figure it out. You can’t deal with something unless you know exactly what it is that you’re dealing with.
- Stop relying on other people’s assessment of you. Your worth is not based on what or how other people think of you. You have to break the chains of needing validation from others. The only opinion that matters is God’s opinion. Let go of the past hurts from words that crushed your self esteem. “She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her.” Proverbs 3:15
- Refuse to play the comparison game in all areas of your life. This has got to be the most damaging thing we women do to ourselves. You were not created to look or act like anyone other than yourself. You were created in God’s perfect image to be you. (Genesis 1:27)
- Realize that you are good enough. This one is easier said than done, I know. But you are good enough. You are pretty enough. You are smart enough. You are everything you put your mind to.
- Release yourself from the people pleasing. Chances are, you put way more pressure on yourself than anyone else does. Please God first. It’s that simple.
- Learn to think positively. When those annoying voices pop up in your head spewing all sorts of negativity, speak back with positivity. Many times, insecurity is a failure to trust God in our lives. Learn to turn over those nagging thoughts of no self-worth and low self esteem to God. God is a God of certainty. He never questions our purpose or our worth, so why do we?
- Learn to laugh it off and move on. Life is too short. Next time you make a mistake, learn from it, maybe even laugh about it, then move on with your life. Don’t dwell on it. It’s over, it’s in the past. Set your sights on the future.
If you found even the tiniest nugget of inspiration from this post, it makes the time I put into Hello Gorgeous beyond worth it. Honestly, writing this post was needed by me just as much as it was by you if you struggle with this issue. Learning to be confident is a journey. Security is valuable and anything that has value is worth working towards. I’m working towards being a more secure and more positive woman.
Please take a moment to leave me a comment and let me know if you too struggle with this issue. I know that I’m not alone. If this touched your heart and you want to see more Girl Talk Tuesday posts like this one, be sure to let me know!