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5 Truths about being Married to an Actor

5 Truths about being Married to an Actor

150 150 Angela Lanter

5 Truths about being Married to an Actor/Ted Baker Cocktail Dress

5 Truths about being Married to an Actor/Ted Baker Cocktail Dress

Ted Baker Cocktail Dress

Ted Baker Cocktail Dress

Ted Baker Cocktail Dress

The first thing I get asked when someone finds out that I’m married to an actor is probably the most asked question in my entire life…  What is it like to watch your husband kiss other women?  Nothing like getting straight to the point, right?  I mean, no need for formalities when you’re ultimately heading that direction in your conversation with a perfect stranger anyways haha!  Needless to say, this post has been a long time coming.  I’m going to be 100% candid and completely honest about the good, the bad and the ugly…  I’m giving you 5 secret truths to what it’s really like to be married to a (hot) actor.

Let me preface this post with this:  I knew what Matt did for a living when we met.  I knew what his work meant and what a work day could look like for him.  I chose Matt and this life together, regardless of his job.  We all know the benefits to being a successful, working actor.  We know about the fame, the money, the glamour that we all see in the rag mags and on social media.  I’m writing this post to talk about what life is really like.  We are so incredibly blessed to have the lives that we do.  Matt gets to do what he loves for a job, and we never, ever take that for granted.  This post also isn’t for me to “vent” or complain.  I’m just answering the questions that I have been asked.  I’ve had emails from young girls dating boys in high school who want to be actors and just are looking for answers about how I personally deal with these things.

Okay, now that’s out of the way. Let’s get to the nitty gritty.

5 Truths About Being Married to an Actor:

  1. Location: You move.  A lot.  Being that I come from Ohio, the thought that actors had to move for most every job they took never crossed my mind before meeting Matt.  When you live outside of this world (Los Angeles/the acting industry) you never really think about where your favorite tv shows and movies are actually filmed.  The closest comparison I can make in terms of relocating would be that of a military family.  Case in point: two weeks after we returned from our honeymoon, we moved to New Orleans for Matt to film Star-Crossed.  Last summer we relocated to Mobile, AL while he filmed his latest movie.  Now we’re possibly moving again if his latest project gets picked up.  As his wife, I have no choice but to go where he goes.  I say that because I made the decision that when I got married, I would go where he goes.  Being together is #1 in my book.  I have no desire to live apart from him, so location is part of what I have chosen, as his wife, to compromise on.  Now, relocating to new places can be incredibly exciting.  I love discovering new places with my husband, but it can also be very overwhelming.  Moving to a new city (or state or country) and not knowing a single soul other than your spouse, who is working on set every day.
  2. Long Hours:  Another thing I never realized as someone outside of the Hollywood world is how much time goes into filming a tv show or movie.  Long hours doesn’t really begin to cover it.  There are days when an actor will be on set for 14-18 hours.  This doesn’t sound much different than some other professions, I know.  What is different is there are no set hours, ever.  It’s literally never a 9-5 day, or even a 7am-10pm day.  An actor’s day begin at call time and ends when they wrap what they need to for that day, whenever that may be.
  3. Kissing other Women:  Okay let’s tackle this one, because honestly, I know that’s probably what you’re reading this post to find out in the first place!  You know that feeling you get when you’re watching a movie or tv show and the two characters you love finally kiss for the first time?  You get goosebumps and butterflies and all of those warm and fuzzies, right?  Here’s the word that makes all the difference in the world within that question: characters.  You are actually watching two actors paid to play the part of a character that you have fallen in love with.  The fact of the matter is that you aren’t watching two real, actual people having a real, actual moment.  In reality, those two people may hate each other, but you’d never know it, because they are doing their job.  They are acting.  Behind the scenes, the reality to most love/kissing/sex scene is that it’s not comfortable for the actors.  They have to hit their marks, they have to be aware of lighting and make sure that their movement/placement is exactly where it’s supposed to be.  They have about 100 crew members watching their every move and most likely, they just want to get a good take so they can move on with their day on to the next scene.  It’s almost never as romantic and magical on set as what it appears to be when you see that same scene on your television screen.  I know this because A) I’ve talked to Matt and listened to his feedback B) I’ve spent many, many long hours on set and seen what things are really like and C) I have girlfriends who are actresses and have told me what it’s like for them in these situations.  Bottom line, is it fun to watch my husband make out with another woman?  Never.  Does it give me the warm and fuzzies when I have to see these types of scenes with him?  Absolutely not.  Do I get jealous?  No.  You know why?  Because Matt chose me.  He didn’t have to ask me out on a date.  Matt didn’t have to propose to me or even marry me, but he did because he loves me and wants to spend his life with me.  He comes home to me at the end of every work day and I love that I get to be his home.  Let’s be real, my family and friends were FREAKED when I first started dating Matt.  They were like, “Are you for real?” about the other girls thing…  But my mom was the first one to run to my side and be realistic about it being just a job.  In fact, she said, and I quote, “Well hey, things could be worse.  You could be dating a gynecologist!”  Haha, that’s one way of looking at it.  🙂
  4. Jealousy:  This isn’t specific to women married to actors.  Every wife in the world has encountered at least one situation in her life that gave her feelings of jealousy.  Here’s where we actor’s wives have it a little different…  Women all over the world have crushes on our men.  Think about that for one moment…  How would you handle being married to a man (say Ryan Gosling maybe?) and knowing that women all over the world fantasize about your husband.  You can say, “Oh, I’d be fine with it!  In fact, I’d love it!”  But would you really?  Would you want women to tweet your husband inappropriate things or send nude photos to him (not saying that does or doesn’t happen to me & Matt, I’m just making a point here)?  Or wait outside his hotel for hours to meet him?  I already addressed how I deal with jealousy in point #3 but this point is one that most everyone outside of this industry doesn’t ever realize from the spouse’s perspective.
  5. Rejection.  Another thing I never realized before meeting Matt was how much rejection is involved with his line of work.  You know when you go on a job interview for a position you really want (sometimes even your “dream job”) then finding out you didn’t get it?  It’s the worst, right?  I don’t have actual statistics to back this up, but I would say that the average actor doesn’t get approx. 95-99% of the auditions that he or she goes out for.  The reasons vary from you were too young, too old, too thin, just didn’t have “the look” or sometimes no reason at all is given.  As a wife, it’s extremely hard to watch someone say no to incredibly talented husband because you know how amazing he is.  But what you think doesn’t matter.  The one thing this town has taught me is how to be supportive because there will always be another audition around the corner and (most times) another no…  I have full faith that God shuts every door for a reason, and He has opened the doors for exactly where He wants us to be at exactly the right time.

I hope this post has given you a better look into the reality of what an actor’s wife’s life really looks like.  Again, no complaints here, I love my life with Matt.  I am married to the one person that God made just for me.  🙂


 

What I’m Wearing:

Ted Baker Azraa Dress (sold out); love this dress (linked several other gorgeous Ted Baker dresses below) //  Ted Baker Embellished Heeled Sandals  //  Forever 21 Fold-Over Clutch c/o  //  Anarchy Street Crossover Ring  //  Baublebar Statement Drop Earrings (similar)

Shop This Look:

29 comments
  • Elizabeth April 13, 2016 at 1:30 AM

    1)You look amazing as always! 2)As a mil spouse (husband is now retired), I completely understand the moving, being told “hey, I got orders we’re moving to XXX place and have to be there by this specific date, sometimes you get a good advance notice to do everything that needs to be done with minimal stress and other times you wonder how you will accomplish everything in such a short time often made more stressful when the spouse works (as I did/do) as well. 3)I CRINGE when I see what people tweet/comment to actors/actresses and how class goes right out the window, especially when they have wives/family! And lastly, I love that you share y’alls lives with us because you don’t have to do let us into your lives like you do! You and Matt are a beautiful couple and not just physically but spiritually and morally. The love you two share for one another is beautiful and a perfect example to others, especially the younger guys/girls out there to see what a true love filled relationship looks like! Bless you both in your journies of life!

  • Elena April 13, 2016 at 1:37 AM

    Such an interesting post! I just love your blog and am so glad I found it. I think you are such a beautiful person on the inside and out 🙂 Also, holla to another Ohio girl! I grew up near the Pennsylvania border but now I live in Columbus. Moving around with your husband sounds like an exciting adventure that will always keep things interesting for you two! Best wishes 🙂

  • Jenipher Cruz April 13, 2016 at 1:49 AM

    Totally understand the moving part being a military spouse but like the portrait I have hanging on the wall “Home is wherever I am with you”, I also make it a point to live where he is stationed (so long as they allow it) and make every moment count regardless where we’re at. I have to say that you were spot on in regards to how our husbands chose us, that’s how I tackle the question of “jealousy”. Thanks for sharing Angela!

  • Usua April 13, 2016 at 1:49 AM

    “Well hey, things could be worse. You could be dating a gynecologist!” OMG!! LOL
    Great post!

  • Lyndee April 13, 2016 at 1:53 AM

    Great post! Nice to hear your side of things! You are a strong, intelligent, and talented woman! So wonderful to read about your strong marriage too! Thanks for sharing, because I know this post was probably hard! I just moved to anew state and I totally understand how hard that is!

    Keep up the great work! Love your blog – as always! 😉

    xoxox

  • Martin April 13, 2016 at 1:58 AM

    First of all, thank you for sharing such personal and intimate topics. As you said, seeing things from the perspective of others can change so much. I think people should add this to their everyday habits, trying to see matters from the other person’s perspective can help understand their choices, behaviours and decisions. And in my opinion, that would lead to more tolerance and acceptance.

    I really hope many young women choose you as their role model, cause you present great values, down to earth views, kindness and love. You show them that women can be beautiful princesses with all the cool girlie stuff and still be able to act and behave kindly and naturally.

    You know I love you guys for what you do and how you do it. Keep on going!!!

    xoxo
    Martin

  • Emily April 13, 2016 at 2:13 AM

    First that dress is gorgeous! I love it!
    Thanks for opening up and sharing about being married to an actor. That’s pretty cool to read and it sounds like you guys have a great relationship 🙂

  • Ashley April 13, 2016 at 2:25 AM

    I have wondered about all the points that you talked about. Thank you for taking the time to open up about it. You are truly amazing and so is Matt. You both are very talented and I love how much you two are in love with one another. I wish all Hollywood relationships were like yours. We are centered around the Lord and focused on each other always. Thank you for what you and Matt both do and thank you for being so down to earth about everything! I love your posts and Hello Gorgeous videos. You are an inspiration and please keep being yourself always. Best Wishes to you both.

  • Tami April 13, 2016 at 2:52 AM

    Love your post! Super genuine and real! Thanks ????

  • Amy April 13, 2016 at 4:27 AM

    You are amazing. I think it has to take such a strong person to be married to an actor/someone in the spotlight. I LOVE how you handle it all. This was so insightful. Thank you for being so open and real about how things are. I love how you brought it all back to God and that he is your foundation.

    You are so inspiring. I am so glad I stumbled upon your YouTube channel a few months ago. I look forward to your video’s and blog posts!

  • Sanum April 13, 2016 at 8:01 AM

    Hi Angela,

    I am imagining you have a home in LA. But when you have to travel for Matt’s work, I am curious to know how much of your belongings you pack for possibly months long stays in these different locations.

    Thanks for the great content.

  • Rachel April 13, 2016 at 11:59 AM

    Thanks for sharing a post like this! I’m not an actor’s wife, but I am a (future) doctor’s wife. I can totally relate to the moving and sacrifice that comes with that. I’m an Ohio girl born & raised and with medical school, residency, and job searching the possibility of a new move never ends. I’m 28 yet we aren’t even close to setting down in a house because we move every 1-2 years! But that’s the choice I made 8 years ago with this young college freshman with a dream to be a doctor. I knew what it would entail, and while it’s hard not to get bitter sometimes, I have to remind myself that my home is with him! Great post. And your perspective about others crushing on Matt is so true. He’s awesome! But that side of others having no boundaries I can only imagine how it feels. Never realized that! Keep these types of posts coming, it’s what I like to share on my own blog. Lots of love!

  • Vivianne Machado April 13, 2016 at 12:40 PM

    Angela you are the sweetest! First of all I moved to Ohio 2 years ago so the comment about the lovely spring weather there and not here made me want to cry/laugh so hard lol thank you for this post. You made a lot of points I hadn’t thought about you but absolutely loved your ending about God closing doors to open the right ones and you being with the man God made for you ☺️

  • Katie April 13, 2016 at 12:41 PM

    My husband and I watched “star-crossed” when it was first on (we love future-istic sci fi stuff ????) so as I’m watching the show one day, multi tasking from Pinterest to google searches of the actors (bc who doesn’t do this when they watch Tv, am I right?) I came across you’re blog. I have to say, I am so grateful star crossed brought me to your blog! (Sad it went off the air) but you’re husband’s show inadvertently made me a fan of yours and I love all your candid posts and awesome beauty vids. I also was so happy to see how you always put God first. Thanks for all the greatness of hello gorgeous 🙂

  • Katie April 13, 2016 at 12:48 PM

    *your oh my gosh autocorrect

  • Emily April 13, 2016 at 8:16 PM

    First of all, this is the most beautiful outfit I’ve ever seen you wear on your blog! Plus, the dress shape is my favorite style, and so cute with heels and a clutch.
    Second, I understand your first point completely. I’ve been in a relationship with a guy in the Navy for over a year, and I knew what I was getting into when we started talking. I knew we would be moving wherever he was sent, I knew he would work long/odd hours, and I knew he would be deployed for months at a time with only occasional emails as contact. I chose him as a partner, and chose to support his career, because very early on I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. People always tell me they could never do it, watch their boyfriend/spouse sail away, knowing they’ll be alone for months. And I always respond with, “It’s terribly hard, but being with him is SO worth it.”
    I’ve always wondered how spouses handle watching their partner kiss someone else on TV. It was really cool to see your perspective. Matt is so blessed to have you at his side, someone so mature and supportive (and beautiful!) I love reading your blog posts and seeing you on Snapchat, and I’ve said it before, but you’re one of the sweetest people I’ve ever seen. You both are an amazing example of true love, and I was overjoyed when I found out years ago that you two are Christians.
    Thank you for sharing your perspective! <3

  • Laura Marple April 14, 2016 at 12:09 AM

    Soo I seriously admire you & Matt so much. I’m a Christian and I was one of those girls who was a fan of 90210 when Matt was on the show so I was THRILLED to find out he was a Christian and was married to such an admirable girl as you! You seriously nailed this blog and I have mad respect for your honesty and cold hard truth. You go girl! Y’all are goals foreal ???? I wish we could somehow have a glass of wine together someday ????????

  • Laura April 14, 2016 at 9:29 PM

    This’s makes me love you even more, you’re a amazing and extraudinary person. A example to follow for many girls (including me). It make me so happy to see you and Matt together and living a happy life like you guys deserve. He’s so lucky to have a person like you by his side, someone who love him and support him like you do. Sometimes you see people who don’t care about what is happening with their partner life and that’s so sad. So yes this post is amazing. Thank you for share it with us. Have a great day Angela. Stay beautiful like always and never change because you’re amazing just the way you are. Kisses from Miami F.L

  • Daria April 19, 2016 at 6:40 AM

    Okay so when I first saw 90210 it was summer 2009 I guess . I was 11 years old and I told my sister that one day I will marry Matt or actually Liam cause he was my favourite charakter!

  • Angela April 21, 2016 at 5:01 PM

    Thanks for sharing! It’s interesting to see things from the actor’s spouse’s point-of-view. For me, being alone for long hours would probably be the most difficult part, but with your blog and everything that it entails I’m sure you have plenty to keep you busy! I know you don’t need it, but good luck to you and Matt on future projects!

  • Jessica O’Neill April 21, 2016 at 6:41 PM

    I think you are amazing Angela. I know it must be weird for you to get messages from complete strangers, but I wanted to say that I love your work, and your modesty. You and Matt found each other to be the perfect match, and many of us admire the love you two share for one another. You are genuine and your videos are super inspiring. I have gotten many helpful tips my husband thanks you for I’m sure. Thank you for always keeping it real you are the best!

    From a French wife married to my perfect Irish man, and living in Florida

  • Let’s be superficial April 21, 2016 at 8:10 PM

    Hi Angela 🙂
    Thanks for sharing your experience, I admit I’ve started following you on the social media because you were Matt’s wife and because it made me curious to imagine how your life was. Your article answered all my secret questions.
    I’ve always wanted to be an actress, but as a Frenchie living in my home country, it’s not that easy (well, I guess it must be the same in the US but in France there are less movies released each year and most of the actors are chosen because they belong to the family of important producers). I’ve consequently often imagined/dreamt/fantasized about a life of fame but also often forgotten that most of the time, someone shares this life, which ain’t easy.
    Sorry for my potential mistakes. Hope you’ll have long years of happiness with your husband!

  • Candace July 22, 2016 at 9:53 PM

    I love this! I have to say, honestly, I’ve been waiting for this post because I had a couple of those questions myself for a while…
    It’s funny because when I first started watching 90210, I saw Matt entered the scene, and my husband and I became “Matt Lanter fans” and I found out about you! Well since I enjoy all of your posts, videos, and you in general, any kissing scene had me going “No!! That’s not Angela! -_-” haha… You are one of a kind 🙂 Not every girl can get through something like that, and it’s not just bc of the scene but like you said, everyone else sees it as “the perfect moment” but you know how it really plays out 😀

    I have always been a “behind the scenes” kind of gal. I like to know what is REALLY going on, on set. I’m sure knowing all of those little details and seeing it for yourself reminds you that it is just a part of the job, and like you said, Matt chose YOU! You two share REAL love that you don’t have to get paid to fake 🙂 That’s so sweet ! 🙂 <3
    xoxo

  • DAN January 23, 2017 at 9:42 PM

    I’m starting acting now at 45 & 2 grown kids with 1 in college. I get zero emotional support from my wife. In fact, her friends have told me that acting is not a “Real: job and that it’s for kids…. long story short, All I can say is I hope I find a woman as supportive and encouraging as you after my divorce ..

  • Cilou6 January 31, 2017 at 8:42 AM

    Your husband is cute, but mine is cuter ! nah; I’m (not) kidding 😉
    I’ve been with my husband for more than 28 years now and I totally would not want to witness him kiss other women, even for professional reason. So I totally get that it’s not the greatest part of being married to an actor. I have to say that the jealousy is probably even worse! Whenever I see comments like “X shouldn’t be with this woman (his wife/girlfriend) he should be with Y (his costar)” make me mad ! It’s a JOB, those love stories on screen are FANTASY and are definitely NOT real life! So yes, it must be hard to get those comments.

  • cristy jones June 4, 2017 at 11:45 PM

    I am really impressed together with your writing talents as well as with the format of
    your weblog.

  • Caroline Dhavernas August 9, 2017 at 4:42 PM

    I couldn’t believe that i would ever re-unite with my ex-lover, i was so traumatize staying all alone with nobody to stay by me and to be with me, but i was so lucky one certain day to met this powerful spell caster Dr Mack, after telling him about my situation he did everything humanly possible to see that my lover come back to me,indeed after casting the spell my ex-lover came back to me less than 48 hours, my ex-lover came back begging me that he will never leave me again, 3 months later we got engaged and married, if you are having this same situation just contact Dr Mack on his email_____. dr_mack@yahoo. com….he will restore your broken relationship

  • Eunice August 14, 2017 at 10:59 AM

    I loved this post. Thank you Angela for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I have to admit we (my kids, and I) are huge fans of Timeless. We are on the Lucy/Wyatt ship bandwagon. And we started following Matt’s social media because of Timeless. That’s how I found your social media and I have to say I have fallen in love with you two as a couple. You are a beautiful couple I love to hear your podcast and how you two interact with each other is beautiful. Matt sounds very grounded despite the industry and women being stupid. He looks and sounds very much in love with his wife! That gives me the warm and fuzzies. There is nothing like a man being totally and completely in love with his wife. ???

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