So You Want a Man? My Best Advice for Single Ladies Who Want to be Married – GTT

So You Want a Man? My Best Advice for Single Ladies Who Want to be Married – GTT

In the past couple of years, I’ve heard of so many divorces.  Many of those I personally know and many of those in headlines.

No one ever really gets married with the intention of divorcing, but yet according to the American Psychological Association, between 40 to 50 percent of married couple in our country end up divorced.  Divorce is the worst for so many, many reasons.

Marriage has always been a topic that I love talking about and learning about.  It’s something that I think we, as a country, don’t spend anywhere enough time or money investing into.  We have to take a test to get licensed to drive a car, but when it comes to choosing a life partner, there’s little to no preparation involved (in most cases).

This blows my mind.

I mean, think about it.  How many couples would be able to avoid heartache,  marital problems and even divorce if they were equipped with the proper tools to do marriage well?

Today, I’m talking to my single ladies.  Over the years of running Hello Gorgeous, I’ve received countless emails, comments and messages regarding relationship advice.  Especially from women dating actors after reading this blog post…😊

I want to always serve my readers and be a good steward of this amazing platform God has blessed me with.  So when I woke up with this topic heavy on my heart, I knew it was time to dig in with y’all about one of my favorite subjects: marriage.  I could talk for ever and ever about marriage, so I’ll try to keep it as short and sweet as possible.  Grab yourself a cup of coffee and let’s dig in, GG.

Let’s start at the beginning for all my single ladies.

 

To my single GGs

 

I’ve been there.  I know what it’s like to be a single adult.  I can so clearly remember having a deep desire for God to bring the right man into my life… and getting so impatient waiting for him in that season.  But, let me just say that singleness is a gift.

Let me repeat that for you…  Singleness. is. a. GIFT

Here’s the catch: it’s a gift when it’s done right.

What does singleness done right even look like?  Well, I’ll tell you what it doesn’t look like.  It’s not partying it up every night or hooking up with random guys just because you’re feeling lonely.  Being single is lonely, I hear you.  But when you take full advantage of your season of singleness and use it to grow closer to God, it’s unbelievable what you will learn.  You’ll learn so much about yourself and about God.  You will look back and reference those lessons for the rest of your life.

A few years back, I wrote this post about what it’s like to date you and it’s still oh-so-relevant.  If you honestly examine yourself and find that you wouldn’t want to date you, it’s time to get to work, sister.  You can’t expect the man of your dreams to want you if you yourself wouldn’t want to even be friends with you, ya know?  Maybe you’re super negative or really uncomfortable with yourself (which makes you uncomfortable to be around!)…  Whatever the case, you can do some soul searching and identify which areas need work.  This is the time to put in said work.

Try this: take time off from dating around to exclusively date yourself.  Huh?  Use this time to learn about what it is that you want out of life and a husband.  Talk to God daily and ask Him for help identifying the areas you need to work on.  While you’re doing this, examine your past relationships and look for patterns.  What is it that you typically look for in a man?  Have you been settling in the past just to keep from being alone?

If you answered that attractiveness is #1 on your list, tell me, how has that worked out for you in the past?  Have you been in relationships for purely physical reasons?  Or have you dug deeper and connected on a heart level in the past to only have that person become even more attractive in your eyes?

Story time: when I was in college and on a break from my longtime boyfriend, I was asked out by this guy I kept seeing at school who my cousin and I nicknamed, “Hot boy.”  I meannnnnn, he was all that and a bag of chips.  An Abercrombie model…  You get the picture.  Anyways, he finally asked me out for ice cream and the conversation was like watching paint dry.  He was nice to look at, but man, he was a total dud.  I couldn’t get out of Friendly’s fast enough.  (Can we just talk about how sad we are that Friendly’s is gone?!😭)  That was a life lesson and a half for me, lol. 

Ladies, please hear this: You don’t have to settle for only part of the package deal when God wants you to have the whole package in a future husband.

Seriously.  If I would’ve settled in the past with my ex before Matt, I would 1000% be divorced or the most unhappy woman alive.  He was simply not God’s choice for me.  I chose to ignore all the signs that he was wrong for me for so long and wasted so much time.  I was like a stubborn toddler arguing over a toy.  God was slamming every door shut on that relationship and I just kept sticking my foot in the door doing whatever I could to keep it open.  Girlfriend, LET GOD SHUT THAT DOOR!  I can guarantee that whatever he has for you after that door is shut is a million times better than what you’re throwing a tantrum over trying to keep.

Please, please, PLEASE use this season to draw closer to God.  Connect with Him.  Pray so often it becomes habit.  Use the time you would spend dating to instead read and study marriage.  There are so many great resources about marriage within the Bible and so many awesome books and podcasts that helped prepare my mind and heart.

Leave a comment below and let me know if you’d like an updated blog post about my favorite marriage books and podcasts.

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56 Comments

  1. Jennifer Jacob
    October 27, 2020 / 1:59 PM

    I needed God to be my priority first before I could meet my husband. When I was talking to other guys, I realize how sad I was and how badly I wanted to work it out. After each failed attempt, I realize that God won’t bring me my husband until my priorities were changed. Once I put God as my number one priority, he brought me my greatest blessing, my husband. We only been married for 2 months but I’m so grateful that I chose God’s will.

    This post definitely relates to my past! Reminds me of how far I’ve come. Thank you for this! My favorite book so far is “The Four Laws of Love” by Jimmy Evans. Great marriage book.

    • Angela Lanter
      October 28, 2020 / 9:44 AM

      I love that so much, Jennifer!! Congratulations!!

  2. Brandi
    October 27, 2020 / 2:02 PM

    Amen!!!! So well said. I’m not even single but see so many gals rush and ignore the red flags. And honestly, many do my friends tend to look past the bad and only see the good. Until it’s too late. I’m passing this on to some of them!!

    • Angela Lanter
      October 28, 2020 / 9:44 AM

      Yay! Thank you, Brandi!

    • Jenn
      October 28, 2020 / 10:08 AM

      You have to trust God in your singleness i have been single a long time but i want to wait on God for the right guy and not going back to tje old jabits God loves us more then anything in this world getting closer to God and trusting has jealed and helped me wait for Gods right tining for the right guy foe me

  3. Photini
    October 27, 2020 / 2:08 PM

    Loved this post! It really spoke to me. Thanks for sharing ❤️

    • Isabella
      October 27, 2020 / 2:17 PM

      Thank you so much for this advice I have honestly been struggling with this recently and this was very helpful thank you so much. 🤍🤍

    • Angela Lanter
      October 28, 2020 / 9:45 AM

      I’m so glad! Thanks for reading!

  4. Carissa Gregory
    October 27, 2020 / 2:16 PM

    Thank you Angela for this post. I have been struggling with being single for years now. It had been very challenging to keep a positive attitude on “waiting for the right guy”. I know it’s a part of God’s plan for my life, but you have opened my eyes to the importance of using my time right now to get closer to God. Thank you for putting so much emphasis on that point! Your entire post was very encouraging! 💕

    • Rachel
      October 27, 2020 / 7:38 PM

      Thanks for posting. It’s nice to know it’s not just me struggling to wait for the right man. Especially at age where all my friends are having babies!

    • Angela Lanter
      October 28, 2020 / 9:45 AM

      I’m so glad you liked it! Thanks for reading!

  5. Amy snyder
    October 27, 2020 / 2:27 PM

    Oh Angela!! This is soooo what I needed right now!! I’m just finally starting to feel like maybe possibly getting back in the dating scene! I’m a single mama and it’s hard to imagine bringing someone around my son!! I feel like maybe I still have some work to do!

    • Angela Lanter
      October 28, 2020 / 9:45 AM

      Absolutely! Thanks for reaching, Amy!!

  6. Kelley
    October 27, 2020 / 2:29 PM

    Your suggestions on books and podcasts would be great! Thank you for the post! As always I see God in you and your words of advice. Thank you for all you do!

    • Angela Lanter
      October 28, 2020 / 9:46 AM

      I can definitely get a list together! Thanks, Kelley!

  7. Rachel
    October 27, 2020 / 2:48 PM

    You know I’m finding it so hard right now, I’m 33 and I’ve been single 8 years. I am trying and making a conscious effort to trust God for the right someone and refuse to settle(why I’m still single). But it doesn’t help that I can hear my bio clock ticking in the background going “if you don’t find someone soon you’ll never have kids.” I remain upbeat and positive most of the time about it but I just feel so lonely (especially now with this lockdown stuff). Anyway thanks for the blog post 🙂 made me feel like maybe it’s not just me who feels(or in your case felt) like that..

    • Angela Lanter
      October 28, 2020 / 9:47 AM

      It’s definitely not just you, friend! Keep trusting. You’ve got plenty of time!

  8. Clarisa Chetty
    October 27, 2020 / 3:06 PM

    It was both an awesome and inspirational read.❤️

    • Angela Lanter
      October 28, 2020 / 9:47 AM

      Thank you so much!!

  9. Emily Headrick
    October 27, 2020 / 3:06 PM

    This hits home! Thank you for using your platform for God! Im 27 and have always wanted to be married , but knew I didn’t want to settle for someone God didn’t have planned for me. I look at women like you and think “I definitely want to hold out because God has an amazing man for me!” Being single is hard, but I think being married to the wrong person would be harder. I will thrive in my singleness until God brings the man he wants for me, if he has one! Thanks again for sharing this! <3

    • Angela Lanter
      October 28, 2020 / 9:48 AM

      I love this so much!! Thanks for sharing, Emily!

  10. Veronika M
    October 27, 2020 / 3:09 PM

    I agree with the fact, you have to love yourself before anyone else can. When you dont then your behaviour shows and you are not attractive to guys. No matter clothes, make up etc.
    Time alone is great for hobbies and learning what you want is life and how having a husband fits in.
    Also when you stop looking that is usually when it happens 🙂

    • Angela Lanter
      October 28, 2020 / 9:48 AM

      Absolutely! I agree 100%!

  11. Erin Reardon
    October 27, 2020 / 9:48 PM

    I would love to hear about some marriage podcasts!

    • Angela Lanter
      October 28, 2020 / 9:48 AM

      I’ll post them soon!

  12. Eveline
    October 28, 2020 / 2:25 AM

    This is such an important topic to talk about, especially among Christians. Sometimes it seems that as a woman our only true goal is to be married. I know I struggled with this a lot in my 20’s. But I’m so thankful that God is in control of everything. I’m still single and I just turned 33 earlier this month, but I’m in a happy place. I know that God knows my desires and He will meet them on His time. So I can now live a good life, building friendships, serving and getting to know me more and more everyday! But also preparing to be the best wife I can be one day. Thanks for sharing!

    • Angela Lanter
      October 28, 2020 / 9:49 AM

      I love that, Eveline!!!

  13. Erin Core
    October 28, 2020 / 6:07 AM

    This is great advice for anyone single or not! I am not single, but hope to have a long lasting marriage if and when that time comes. I trust in God’s timing.

    • Angela Lanter
      October 28, 2020 / 9:49 AM

      We all need to! His timing is always perfect!

    • Veronica
      November 3, 2020 / 6:10 PM

      Love this. Going thru a breakup that for a time longer than needed I kept sticking my foot at the door. Until I realized that I can only try to stop a process for so long. Need to go back to Church and trust God. Thank you for your posts, love your content. And your so lucky that you meet your person and the fact that it doesn’t hurt to look at him is a bonus, lol. And of course, he’s even luckier to have found you.

  14. OriginalSoullessDragon
    October 28, 2020 / 8:25 AM

    I am single, and will forever be that way. And, I’m honestly not bothered by it even though I am only in my 30s. I’ve loved a total of 3 times in my life. The first, was dying from heart disease and ended up taking his own life after a three month coma. The next two cheated on me, multiple times, till I gave up hoping their promises of changing were actually going to happen. After the last one, I realised Love just wasn’t for me, so I have vowed to be forever single.

    • Angela Lanter
      October 28, 2020 / 9:49 AM

      Proud of you for knowing exactly who you are!! Thanks for sharing, friend!

  15. Jenn
    October 28, 2020 / 10:03 AM

    Wow love this so much

  16. Mindy Diegel
    October 28, 2020 / 10:55 AM

    Oh Ang, thanks for this!! There are times its discouraging being the single lady. I’ve done the online dating and all the other things and it just wasn’t for me in the long run. I’ll find him when God is ready for me to find him. As the stories go tou find him when your not looking, and I stopped looking so maybe there is hope for me yet.

    • Angela Lanter
      October 29, 2020 / 5:52 AM

      It’s all in His timing!!

  17. Mallary
    October 28, 2020 / 3:27 PM

    Very well said! 👏🏻 You always give great advice! I’m of single, but if I was, I would definitely follow your advice!

    • Angela Lanter
      October 29, 2020 / 5:52 AM

      Thank you so much!

  18. April
    October 29, 2020 / 6:52 AM

    What a great post and sound advice. I am divorced(he cheated) and went through a Long season of dating the wrong men in the years after.
    At first, I threw myself into the Word, but slowly creeped farther and farther away as time went by, until I was completely immersed in the world….Satan’s temptations became too enticing.
    Fast forward almost 10yrs, I was in a 2.5 yr long distance relationship…I had been trying to force into the one I Soo much desired, ignoring all the red flags. God finally had to Slam that door shut soo hard(the only way He knew I would listen…another cheater), for me to finally walk away from it.
    Interestingly, God had already introduced me to my now fiancé, during those last few months of the previous relationship. We have an amazing 3, soon to be 4yr old son.
    My hearts desire has always been to be a mother and a wife again(I was a full time step mom in my previous marriage, but my ex cut me out of their lives during our divorce).
    A very wise woman and mentor of mine, your Aunt Gina told me many years ago that God will give us our heart’s desires when the time comes, we just have to Trust Him to do it. He knew I needed to work on myself…sifting my heart and mind to bring me to the place He felt I needed to be. Then, bam, out of what seemed like no where, came the man God had hand picked for me! He was working behind the scenes all those years.
    Your insight is enlightening to All women, even those not technically single. Even as engaged or married women, we should always continue to work on ourselves to be the women He has called us to be.

    • Angela Lanter
      October 30, 2020 / 11:32 AM

      It’s so so true!! Man, she is a wise woman, isn’t she? 😉

  19. Kathy
    October 29, 2020 / 7:48 PM

    Angela,
    Oh my gosh. I cannot express how awesome this was to read! Thanks so much for these encouraging words. I needed to hear this today. 💞

    • Angela Lanter
      October 30, 2020 / 11:30 AM

      I’m so glad, Kathy!!

  20. Lauren
    October 30, 2020 / 12:25 PM

    This is so so important!! I loved reading this even though I am married. I used to so many comments about how picky I was and how I needed to date more but I never let it get to me. I knew what I wanted in a man and the things I wasn’t willing to compromise on. I refused to settle and I met the most amazing man and married him! I did get married a little later than a lot of people from my area but my marriage is stronger and happier than most of the people I know! Do not settle!!

    • Angela Lanter
      November 2, 2020 / 6:37 AM

      Amazing!! I completely agree!!

  21. Lauren
    October 31, 2020 / 10:19 PM

    Thank you so much for this! This was very uplifting and made me feel like that there is time for me to find the right man and not too feel so “lonely” and connect to myself first thank you so much for this uplifting article really helpful!

    • Angela Lanter
      November 2, 2020 / 6:40 AM

      Thanks, Lauren! I’m so glad you liked it!

  22. Alex
    November 2, 2020 / 12:40 PM

    I’m not super religious but I did grow up Catholic. I also recently went through a terrible breakup. I lived with this man, I thought he was the one, we talked about getting married, the whole 9 yards…and then it was like he flipped a switch and started treating me so poorly. I moved out, this isn’t how I pictured my life to be right now but I think taking the time to date myself is the perfect advice.

  23. Tracy Meldrum
    November 2, 2020 / 4:16 PM

    Beautiful analogy! It’s very true we keep shoving our foot in the door! Let it close. Wise words!! Such words are so helpful in it every day lives too! Work, friends, you name it!
    Always love your writing ✍️

  24. Amanda
    November 3, 2020 / 5:59 AM

    Couldn’t agree more! I had so many friends who were CONVINCED that life didn’t begin until marriage and it has been sad to see them so disappointed when it wasn’t all they had dreamed it to be. Once they got married, they realized that they had missed out on a lot of really great things that can happen when you’re single. There’s a lot of personal growth that can happen as a young woman learning to stand on her own!
    It’s truly my hope that the young women coming after can enjoy that time instead of dreading it. Go on vacations with friends, enjoy having sole possession of the remote, jump out of that airplane! Living life before marriage makes it all that much better. And as a bonus, you get to choose to stay with the person you marry instead of feeling like you have to because it’s the only life you know. What a boost!

  25. Kelly Morse
    November 3, 2020 / 6:14 AM

    LOVVVEEE THIS! So much wisdom here. Love you and your precious heart, Angela ♥️

    • Angela Lanter
      November 3, 2020 / 12:29 PM

      Thanks, Kelly!!

  26. Yurece
    November 3, 2020 / 6:34 AM

    I love this so much! I remember praying for specific traits in a guy before having an interest in anyone, but a main prayer was that God would help me become the woman that he’s praying for too. I’ve been talking to this guy from one of our churches for the last 10 months simply getting to know each other. As of a couple days ago we are officially courting! We’ve spent so much time getting to know each other we now know what we want, we’re just going through the steps now. I truly believe seeking God FIRST has helped us get to where we are now. Thank you for putting this out there for us. Such great advice! ❤️

    • Angela Lanter
      November 3, 2020 / 12:28 PM

      Awwwww! I love that so much!!

  27. Evelyn
    November 3, 2020 / 3:09 PM

    Been there, done that.. for over 3 years now dating exclusively myself, loving god, loving myself and being very happy.. until recently that I started to feel that ping of loneliness very loud and clear and all that questions and worries suddenly back in my life.. will I ever meet somebody for me.. I’m nearly 33 now, maybe I’ll stay lonely forever.. and so I start to think more and more maybe I SHOULD settle. For a nice guy I maybe dont love but can spend the live with.. It feels more and more stupid to wait for true love. Like in a movie when the old lady talks about how many men wanted her when she was young and beautiful but she waited for the one until she got old and now she will dye alone and regrets all the times she said no..

    • Angela Lanter
      November 4, 2020 / 6:37 AM

      I don’t think it’s ever stupid to wait for true love. You deserve every bit of happiness, friend. Don’t sell yourself short. ❤️

  28. Stephanie Loverde
    November 8, 2020 / 9:36 AM

    This is a completely hypothetical question but if cloning existed could we just clone Matt and make the cloned version our husband? How would you feel about that? I’ll make a serious comment too but I just wondered how you would feel about this funny, random thought lol.

    • Angela Lanter
      November 9, 2020 / 5:07 AM

      HAHA! Ummm, no. I’m not down for that. 😂

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