Welcome back to the third installment of Girl Talk Tuesday the “Love Series”. We’ve tackled first dates, ways that you’re ruining your relationship/marriage and now we’re taking a good long look at ourselves.
Ladies, let’s kick this off with one question… Would you date you? Or, if you’re already married, what’s it like to be married to you?
No, really. No one knows you better than you. No one knows all the deep, dark secrets. With that being said, knowing what you do, would you date you?
One of my most defining moments as a 20-something young woman was when I asked myself this question. I had to really think about my answer. Here are some of the things I discovered:
- I wanted to change the other person. I constantly tried to “fix” my boyfriends. It took me many years to finally understand that you can’t change anyone but yourself. No amount of nagging, crying, yelling or anything will really change someone. You have to either accept who that person is or you have to move on.
- I always looked to blame an outside. If an argument or problem arose, my first response would be to find someone to blame. Rarely are relationship problems 100% the fault of only one person. Recognizing your role in argument is a sign of relational maturity.
- I never asked for forgiveness. I believe that a true apology needs to include asking for forgiveness. “Will you forgive me?” Those four words will humble you and, in a lot of cases, soften the heart of the injured party. A healthy marriage consists of two people who are great at asking for and giving forgiveness.
- I was uncomfortable with myself. I was constantly in long, serious relationships throughout my teenage years and my 20’s. The very thought of being single freaked me out. When I had no choice but to be single in a certain season of my life, I learned more about myself than probably every other season combined. I had become so used to being known as someone’s girlfriend that I lost who I really was. I took that time to grow closer than ever to God. I spent time really thinking about what I wanted in a future husband. I read so many marriage books. Really, I figured out what I wanted out of a relationship, but it took me being alone to do it. When I was in a relationship, I was distracted by who was consuming my time, which kept me from realizing what I really wanted in a partner.
- I’m stubborn. My Mawmaw used to say that I’d argue with a sign post. I didn’t want to date an argumentative person, so why should that be okay for me to act that way?
- I was a bad listener. I’d like to think that I’ve improved my listening skills through the years. I spent so much time thinking about what I wanted to say during an argument that I’d miss just about everything the other person said. I now try to practice active listening as much as possible.
Now that you know my dirty laundry, I’d like to challenge you. What’s it like to date you or be married to you? Write down at least three completely honest things about you that you know to be true… No matter how ugly those things are. I want these to be things you know that you need to work on. Being that this is a safe place, feel free to share those things in the comments below. Sometimes your truth can help another reader discover something about their own self.
What I’m Wearing:
Stripe Turtleneck Sweater (ON SALE!!!) // Hudson High Waist Skinny Jeans // The North Face Coat (similar) // Beanie (similar) // Fringe Scarf (my absolute favorite scarf I own!) // Over-the-Knee Socks (similar) // Ugg Boots