“Mean girls grow up to be mean women.”
I’m not sure who originally said this, but they were mostly right. There are absolutely exceptions to this rule, but for the most part… Mean girls really do grow up to be mean women. Here’s the thing, I think that the majority of women have a little “mean” in them.
Whenever I tackle a topic like this, I like to first look at the word we’re focusing on. The definition of the word “mean” from dictionary.com is:
Ever say something offensive? Maybe you’ve acted a bit selfish before? We all have. Does that make you a “mean girl”? No, of course it doesn’t. We’re all human, we all make mistakes and misbehave at times.
Picture this (where my Golden Girls fans at?): a while back, a friend proudly showed me the engagement ring he designed that he was going to propose with. This ring was stunning. Instead of remarking on my excitement and the ring’s beauty, something misfired in my brain and I made a comment about a detail that I felt the ring was lacking. My initial thought as soon as the nasty remark fell out of my mouth was, why would I say something so stupid? Case in point: In that moment, I was a mean girl. *Gulp.*
I, of course, apologized wholeheartedly for what I said. I never want to become a mean girl. That situation still comes to mind from time to time, and I still feel embarrassed when I remember my words. But you know what? I learned a lesson that day. I learned how true the Bible is when it says, “Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” I try to remind myself constantly to think before I speak. Just because you think it, doesn’t mean you should speak it. Can I get an amen?!
Have you had a mean girl moment? I’d bet you have had a few, if you’re anything like me. It’s how we choose to respond to those moments that shapes who we are as women. We have the choice to learn from it or repeat it.
Here’s how to know if you’re a mean girl:
- Mean girls make bad friends. We’ve all seen the movie a hundred times. I think we all identify with one of the characters in it. But the bottom line of that hilarious movie is: mean girls don’t have friends because they don’t know how to be a friend. Mean girls have cliques. They surround themselves with other girls who make them look good, but their relationships have no real depth. They’re shallow and so are their “friendships”.
- Mean girls are jealous. Sometimes they will point blank say that they’re jealous of someone. Other times, they will make nasty remarks about another girl, cutting her down, to just make herself look or feel better.
- Mean girls are superficial. They care most about two things: looks and status. Outward appearance means way more than inward appearance to this group.
- Mean girls are judgmental. And condescending. If you went to school with a mean girl (or maybe 10) then you’ve either been personally victimized or witnessed a victimization by a Regina George wannabe. I had 12 kids in my graduating class, so there was little reason to play the competition game in my high school, lol! I have definitely encountered the Regina George’s in my adult life though, and they always find a way to leave you feeling completely inadequate. They say things like, “Oh, you’re wearing that?” Or, “I thought you were trying to lose a few pounds?” PS- read my blog post about insecurity tips here.
- Mean girls can’t keep a secret. In fact, they may even file away secrets for later ammo.
- Mean girls gossip. Anyone is fair game. They will talk about anyone behind their back without a second thought.
- Mean girls are bossy. And controlling. There’s only one way, and it’s their way. End of story. And guess what? She usually does end up getting her way. Honestly, it’s easier to please her than to deal with her anger.
Do you identify with any of these traits? Total disclosure: I have personally struggled with several of these throughout the course of my life. I would never label myself as a “mean girl” but that doesn’t necessarily mean that I don’t exhibit some of these traits from time to time. The first step to overcoming these bad habits is admitting that you actually do act this way. You can’t change or grow unless you acknowledge the areas that you need to focus on.
It’s not too late for a heart change. It’s never too late to replace those negative feelings, thoughts and words with kindness towards others. Let me tell you, it’s a whole lot easier, and feels a whole lot better, to be nice. Personally, I think it takes a lot more effort to be mean than it does to share a smile or a kind word.
Leave a comment below and share a mean girl moment that you’ve had. Or if you’re a reformed mean girl, I wanna hear about it!