Are You A Mean Girl? | Girl Talk Tuesday

Are You A Mean Girl? | Girl Talk Tuesday

Mean girls grow up to be mean women.

I’m not sure who originally said this, but they were mostly right.  There are absolutely exceptions to this rule, but for the most part…  Mean girls really do grow up to be mean women.  Here’s the thing, I think that the majority of women have a little “mean” in them.

Whenever I tackle a topic like this, I like to first look at the word we’re focusing on.  The definition of the word “mean” from is: offensive, selfish, unaccommodating; nasty; malicious; small-minded or ignoble.

Ever say something offensive?  Maybe you’ve acted a bit selfish before?  We all have.  Does that make you a “mean girl”?  No, of course it doesn’t.  We’re all human, we all make mistakes and misbehave at times.

Picture this (where my Golden Girls fans at?): a while back, a friend proudly showed me the engagement ring he designed that he was going to propose with.  This ring was stunning.  Instead of remarking on my excitement and the ring’s beauty, something misfired in my brain and I made a comment about a detail that I felt the ring was lacking.  My initial thought as soon as the nasty remark fell out of my mouth was, why would I say something so stupid?  Case in point:  In that moment, I was a mean girl. *Gulp.*

I, of course, apologized wholeheartedly for what I said.  I never want to become a mean girl.  That situation still comes to mind from time to time, and I still feel embarrassed when I remember my words.  But you know what?  I learned a lesson that day.  I learned how true the Bible is when it says, “Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”  I try to remind myself constantly to think before I speak.  Just because you think it, doesn’t mean you should speak it.  Can I get an amen?!

Have you had a mean girl moment?  I’d bet you have had a few, if you’re anything like me.  It’s how we choose to respond to those moments that shapes who we are as women.  We have the choice to learn from it or repeat it.

Here’s how to know if you’re a mean girl:

  • Mean girls make bad friends.  We’ve all seen the movie a hundred times.  I think we all identify with one of the characters in it.  But the bottom line of that hilarious movie is: mean girls don’t have friends because they don’t know how to be a friend.  Mean girls have cliques.  They surround themselves with other girls who make them look good, but their relationships have no real depth.  They’re shallow and so are their “friendships”.
  • Mean girls are jealous.  Sometimes they will point blank say that they’re jealous of someone.  Other times, they will make nasty remarks about another girl, cutting her down, to just make herself look or feel better.
  • Mean girls are superficial.  They care most about two things: looks and status.  Outward appearance means way more than inward appearance to this group.
  • Mean girls are judgmental.  And condescending.  If you went to school with a mean girl (or maybe 10) then you’ve either been personally victimized or witnessed a victimization by a Regina George wannabe.  I had 12 kids in my graduating class, so there was little reason to play the competition game in my high school, lol!  I have definitely encountered the Regina George’s in my adult life though, and they always find a way to leave you feeling completely inadequate. They say things like, “Oh, you’re wearing that?”  Or, “I thought you were trying to lose a few pounds?”  PS- read my blog post about insecurity tips here.
  • Mean girls can’t keep a secret.  In fact, they may even file away secrets for later ammo.
  • Mean girls gossip.  Anyone is fair game.  They will talk about anyone behind their back without a second thought.
  • Mean girls are bossy.  And controlling.  There’s only one way, and it’s their way.  End of story.  And guess what?  She usually does end up getting her way.  Honestly, it’s easier to please her than to deal with her anger.

Do you identify with any of these traits?  Total disclosure: I have personally struggled with several of these throughout the course of my life.  I would never label myself as a “mean girl” but that doesn’t necessarily mean that I don’t exhibit some of these traits from time to time.  The first step to overcoming these bad habits is admitting that you actually do act this way.  You can’t change or grow unless you acknowledge the areas that you need to focus on.

It’s not too late for a heart change.  It’s never too late to replace those negative feelings, thoughts and words with kindness towards others.  Let me tell you, it’s a whole lot easier, and feels a whole lot better, to be nice.  Personally, I think it takes a lot more effort to be mean than it does to share a smile or a kind word.

Leave a comment below and share a mean girl moment that you’ve had.  Or if you’re a reformed mean girl, I wanna hear about it!

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1300 867 Angela Lanter
  • Aisha Muhammed Ali

    I used to be a mean girl before when I was not religious. But now the more I read quran and learn about islam the more nice I become. I have grown and become a such a better person when I am reading quran. It is important that we human beings are kind to each other. We are all human beings and God does not make mistakes, he have created all human beings so we need to be nice and kind to all human beings and take care of each other.

    • Angela Lanter

      So good to hear that you’re no longer a mean girl, Aisha!! ❤️

  • Nikki Arnold

    This is such a great post!! I feel like with all the drama girl tv shows and the media now a days girls are even more exposed to learning mean traits. I have a much younger sister who I am 16 years older than and I have seen her and her friends exhibit mean girl behavior many times (not saying that I haven’t because I have and am in no means perfect), however I really want to always be setting a good example for her and for my friends. I don’t ever want any woman, or girl to feel inadequate because of something I said and I think that is a huge key in making and maintaining friendships. The world is already brutal, we don’t need to make it more so. Xo

    • Angela Lanter

      Thanks so much, Nikki! I think you’re right. Our culture has made everything accessible (good and bad) at the simple click of a tv remote or computer mouse. I love that you’re being a role model for your sister! The teenage years are when we really start to develop and mature, so it’s great she has a big sister looking after her heart. ?

      • Linda F Miller

        I am so guilty of doing everything you have written about.. Everyday I try to catch myself sometimes in mid sentence and apologize.. When you were in high school we were at Mom’s and I only caught a part of what you were saying, Me being Me, I yelled at you for gossiping! For years I have hated myself for being so mean to you while I was trying to make a point about gossiping.. I will never for get the look on your face! I am asking for your forgiveness for that horrible moment.. (you probably don’t even remember) But I remember.. This is a great article and I am here to tell you, that you don’t just write words you live them! Love You, Aunt Linda

        • Angela Lanter

          Aunt Linda, I don’t remember this at all!! I’ve definitely had my mean girl moments, but not usually in front of Mawmaw. Usually, I was the one toning her down lol!!! Love you!

  • This post is so accurate! I know I’ve had mean girl moments from time to time as we all do and I’ve definitely had a mean girl “friend” and that was a friendship I had to get out of for my own sanity. I think the older I get the more I realize I don’t need those people in my life and I know who are the people that are the ones speaking kindness and truth to me!

    • Angela Lanter

      Thanks so much, Emily! I love that you are wise enough to see which friendships to walk away from and which to grow! ?

  • Debbie Savage

    Wow, what an interesting post! Thank you so much for being real. As a little girl struggling to speak English at school I have had many undesirable comments from both girls and boys! It taught me at a young age that KINDNESS MATTERS! Something I enjoy teaching to my kids and I am so appreciate of this message. We all need this reminder to lead with our hearts! Thank you!
    xo Debbie |

    • Angela Lanter

      Thanks Debbie! I love hearing that even though you weren’t treated nicely, you are teaching your kids to be nice! Such a good mom! ❤️

  • The timing of this post is so perfect…this has been a rough week for me as far as dealing with mean girls goes. There’s one in particular who has been not a very good friend to me lately, and constantly has been putting me down and making me feel terrible. Last weekend there was sort of a culminating event where I just decided enough was enough, and decided I value myself too much to let myself be affected by the words she says or by her actions. I’ve been trying to keep my distance this week-but still remain friendly and cordial towards her, but its been really tough (…and its only Wednesday!). She took me distancing myself as something personal and thinks I’m being *witchy* for it, and has been acting like I don’t exist. Still, I’m trying not to let it get me down & remind myself that I don’t have to put up with it anymore. The only tough thing is my best friend is her roommate and I can’t really cut her out of my life completely because of it. That was such a long story and I’m so sorry for blabbing, but your post just came at a perfect time and I guess I felt like I needed to talk to someone lol. Thanks Angela! <3

    • Angela Lanter

      Oh I’m so sorry to hear that, Nicole! Have you ever heard of the book, “Fool-Proofing Your Life” by Jan Silvious? It sounds like this book may be perfect for your current situation!
      Here’s the link:


  • Great post! We all can be little mean at times, but it is better to be friendly to everyone. Being a Regina George or Blair Waldorf is not kind of person anyone should be. Though will admit Gossip Girl is one fav shows and Blair was one of my favs from show…mostly for her amazing fashion. She was a mean girl but she slowly learned to tone down her behavior in end of show. I see so many women in late 20s to early 30s went to school with and some of them have grown up while others still are mean and think popularity and social status matters. That just isnt me. Why I have small number of good friends and family on facebook. Sad thing is a lot of these women have children. I hate the thought of them passing down to their children that being mean is cool. I think some people just never change and grow up to be nicer people. They remain stuck in old habits. I didnt go to my 10 yr reunion because I would have felt like an outsider. Wasnt popular in school but had some friends. Idk just didnt want to see some those mean girls and their cliques. They still have their cliques. I dont like fake people either. Can never tell if being honest with you.

    Anyways, with this election…thank goodness it is over, saw a lot of nastiness from grown adults who acted like animals. It was just sickening to watch the negativity. That just isnt me. I like to be around positive people and have positive look on life.

    I think if people were a little nicer and more compassionate, world would be a better place. Less violence.

    Ok sorry for long post. Just a really good topic that everyone can relate to.

    • Angela Lanter

      Thanks for your comment, Erin!! I agree with everything you said! Honestly, I think it’s better to have one or two true friends than 100 fake (mean girl) friends, and it sounds like you’ve got that already figured out. 🙂

      Politics (and usually religion) always brings out the worst in people. It’s so sad. We need compassion now more than ever in our country.

  • Being in my junior year of high school I deal with a lot of these issues. I’ve never considered myself to be a mean girl and I still agree with that. However, this has opened my eyes to acknowledge two areas I need to work on; my jealousy and becoming less judgemental. I also strongly agree that being kind is way easier than being mean. Thank you so much for this post, I absolutely love it!

    • Angela Lanter

      Oh Beth, I feel for you being in the thick of it now! I look back at some of the things I have said or done and think I could’ve handled that so much better. I love that you know exactly what you need to work on. You sound like a really nice girl to me! 🙂

  • Anonymous

    Oh gosh, how I needed to read this! I sometimes struggle with “mean girl” feelings and attitudes towards others and I know it seems from jealousy. God is showing me that He is the God of more than enough and that I need to trust Him with my story. Thank you for sharing this, Angela!

    • Angela Lanter

      I love that you’re able to take a step back and look to God when you’re feeling this way! Jealousy is something we all struggle with, no matter how much we have ourselves!

  • Anonymous

    First of all, amen sista! This was positive and inspiring. I haven’t been a ” girl” for a while, I have two adult children! However, after reading this, it made me think back to highschool, (long time ago ?). I was given the most curly hair ever!! Great now, but I was teased by several mean girls all the time because of it. On top of that I was a boring “good girl”, teased for that too. I am so glad you posted this! Women need to know when they are having mean moments to remember that it may linger with the other person, and to be mindful of our words. And be kind. I actually still struggle with insecurity and self worth even now. We are all created beautiful, equal women of God. Let’s all lift each other up!! ?

    • Anonymous

      Forgot to leave my name,

    • Angela Lanter

      Thanks, Carrie! We’re all girls at heart, just look at the Golden Girls, lol!!
      Oh girl, I was teased too, even in my tiny Christian school classes. I never remember in turn teasing someone else, or understanding what felt good about making someone else feel bad (not that I never did it, I may just not remember).
      I also struggle with insecurity, whether from an outside source or (usually) some silly expectation I put on myself. I love that you know that we’re all beautiful, all the same, in God’s eyes and you can instill that in your babes. 🙂

  • Angela,
    I can’t thank you enough for this site & GTT! (I was going to email you but saw you only wanted business deals emailed.) Last week I was confused, hesitant, and unsure about myself and my husband (he’s the guy that wanted to be kicked in the balls). Because of your help with finding a couple great books and the help of your reader Erica, last night I decided I’d give it a try. He looked like a kid on Christmas when I told him to spread them and we had a GREAT time! I realize this is ironic posting an update about kicking my husband in the groin on a post about mean girls but this is different, he asked for it! Your site, your readers, the books you suggested all helped us reignite a spark that had been missing for a while. Thank you!

    • Angela Lanter

      Thanks Lauren!! I’m so glad to hear that you were able to find a way to work out this situation that made both of you happy! I hope you enjoyed the books, I read any Christian marriage book I can get my hands on. 🙂

  • Vivianne

    Seriously cannot emphasize again how much I love your new girl talk Tuesdays AND the fact that you use scripture but not in a “know-it-all” or condescending way! Thanks so much Angela!

    • Angela Lanter

      Thanks for that feedback, Vivianne! God is a big part of my life, so it’s only natural for me to incorporate Him into my posts. I try to be cognizant of the fact that not everyone who reads my blog is a Christian. I never want to come across “preachy” in any way. I just want Hello Gorgeous to always be a true reflection of who I am as a person. 🙂

  • Love this post!! I’m sure I fall under the bossy category sometimes– especially if you were to ask my husband lol

    • Angela Lanter

      Haha I think we all boss our hubby’s around from time to time LOL!

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