Five Lessons From The First Five Years Of Marriage

Five Lessons From The First Five Years Of Marriage

Five years.  Two words that don’t even seem possible to me.  It’s as if I blinked and here we are.  Our first five years have brought us: [one] incredibly happy marriage, [two] different homes in LA, [three] people now in our sweet little family (well actually four including Soka), [four] the places we’ve lived outside of LA and [five] years we’ve been working together on Hello Gorgeous.  That’s a lot of good stuff.

Last year, I shared 4 lessons I’ve learned from 4 years of marriage and all of those points still ring true.  My biggest life lessons have all come from my marriage.  Here are some biggies that come to mind as I reflect on these past five wonderful years…

Marriage ain’t for the faint of heart.  The Merriam-Webster definition of “Faint Of Heart”: lacking the courage to face something difficult…  Marriage will be difficult at times, that’s a guarantee.  Chances are, you won’t even make it through the honeymoon without at least one small disagreement.  I’m not being Debbie Downer here, I’m being 100% realistic.  That’s life.  You’re throwing two very different people from two different families and two different upbringings into not only a home together but everyday life together.  You are absolutely going to have disagreements.  If you didn’t, there would be more things to worry about, because it sounds like there’s a lack of communication happening.

Date nights are a requirement.  Pre-babies, post-babies, no babies…  Wherever you stand on the subject of kids doesn’t matter, date nights need to be a priority.  Why does it matter if you don’t have kids?  Because life. is. BUSY.  Jobs, church, family, friends, responsibilities and a plethora of other things will suck the ever-living life out of you both, if you let it.  When you choose marriage, you choose your spouse first.  That means your husband comes before everyone and everything, other than God.  That’s a tall order for a busybody like me, but at the end of every day, I know that Matt is my top priority on this earth.  Regular alone time outside of our house together is what recharges us and helps us to reconnect with each other as Matt and Ang, not Mama and Daddy.  Check out this post for some fun date ideas.

Forgiveness is the secret sauce.  Behind every great marriage, there’s two people who are really great at forgiving each other.  Not only forgiving each other, but also really good at asking each other for forgiveness.  The Bible talks about the importance of reconciling, but I find asking for forgiveness does more than just restore the relationship.  I think that one simple act requires you to swallow your pride and show your cards, admitting you were wrong for your words, actions and also for their hurt.  Those four little words humble you in front of your spouse, leaving little room for anything other than a yes or no answer.

The act of touching is more important than you know.  Sex is the glue that holds a marriage together.  But when I say touching, I don’t just mean in a sexual way.  Physical contact throughout the day acts as a gauge to check the status of your relationship.  Hugs, hand holding, back tickles, cuddles and even just a simple foot touch in bed are all non-verbal ways to show your spouse that you’re in this thing together.  Contact with each other communicates love, commitment and so much more, especially in those moments when words can’t express what’s on your heart.

Remember that life is lived in the little moments.  It’s easy to get lost in the big moments of life- the proposal, the wedding, buying a house, having a baby…  These big moments are naturally exciting, but that’s not when real life happens.  Real life happens in the quiet mornings having coffee in bed together. Connection happens when you hold hands and say a prayer over a meal or a decision that’s plaguing you both.  Passion happens when you lock eyes with your man across a room full of people and feel butterflies because you know you get to go home with him.  Love happens when you burn dinner for the 100th time and your hubby happily eats it with a smile on his face, because he’s thankful to have a wife who cares enough to cook for him.  Happiness happens in the piles of dirty laundry, sink full of dirty dishes and floors that need swept, because you see it and realize that you live a happy life together within those walls.

I’ve loved every moment of every day being Mrs. Matt Lanter.  My prayer for each and every one of you sweet girls reading this post is that you too find your happily ever after.  Don’t lose hope.  Don’t give up.  Your Mr. Right is just around the corner.

1066 1066 Angela Lanter
  • Love this post!

    • Allison Lloyd

      This is so beautifully said and filled with such wisdome. Thank you for sharing!!!

    • Angela Lanter

      Thank you, Nicole!

    • Thanks for sharing your lessons , I feel I can relate and benefit from your words of wisdom into my own life and relationship with my better half ! Happy belated Anniversary ❣️Wishing u many more happy and healthy years together ?

  • This is a great post! We just celebrated four years of marriage. We certainly don’t agree on everything or have it all figured out, but I’m grateful that at the end of each day, we’re in this together. Marriage is work, communication, and grace, but God designed it, so it is also a masterpiece.

    • Angela Lanter

      Thank you, Jen! Congrats! Married life really is the best!

  • Iris Lim

    Oh Angela, this is such a beautiful and very important and moving post! Thank you so much for opening your heart to your readers this frankly and helpfully. My husband and I recently celebrated our 5th anniversary as well, and I know what you mean about it all happening in the blink of an eye. Who knew 2013 happened so long ago? Your five pointers are as true as true can be. I hope many young people (whether or not they’ve found their life partner yet) can glean from your wisdom.

    Happy anniversary, Matt and Angela! You guys are such great inspirations. May the Lord bless your marriage with deeper love, joy, unity, and meaning day after day.

    P.S. I think my “burnt dinner” count is at 200 by now. Those who stay around 100 are lucky! 😉

    • Angela Lanter

      Thank you, Iris! Such a sweet comment!
      We all have a burnt dinner count, lol!!

  • Danielle

    Angela, this was so good! It made me cry a little at the end. I’m still waiting for my guy. I know god has someone amazing for me. Thank you for taking the time to write this. I look up to you and Matt I think y’all are an awesome couple! I pray so many blessings over your marriage! Love you guys!

    • Angela Lanter

      Thank you, Danielle! Your prince will come! 🙂

  • Awe I really enjoyed reading this ?

  • Laura Manners

    Such a charming idea, and so beautifully normal in the grand scheme of life in LA. Certainly from how we believe it to be.

    Happy Wedding Anniversary to you and Matt, this has been a special year for you both, with your adorable new daughter. She’s just delightful. I wish you all every happiness.

    My husband and I would have been married for 11 years in August, but sadly cancer stole him from me 8 months ago. It’s not a part I’d ever considered, not one any of us is likely to have given much thought about. Life without Dan has been a massive shock and although we were prepared financially, none of that can fill the void I feel overwhelmingly each waking moment. I’m 44 and alone in the world without my best friend, partner in crime and husband – all rolled into one. We had an amazing 14 years together in total, and I wouldn’t have missed a single second of it.

    • Angela Lanter

      I’m so sorry for your loss, Laura. I can’t even imagine what the past 8 months have been like for you!

  • Chrissie

    This was beautifully written Angela! ?Thank you so much for blessing us with your experiance. It is so easy to imagine that life is perfect after marriage bt i realise there are many things to learn along the way.
    May God Bless you and your Family ❤

    • Angela Lanter

      Thank you, Chrissie! Marriage is the biggest learning experience (besides parenting) that we will ever go through in life!

  • Michelle Johnson

    Happy Anniversary! Thanks so much for sharing! I’m getting married on August 11 so I will definitely keep your lessons in mind as time goes on!

    • Angela Lanter

      Thank you, Michelle! Congrats, married life is the best!

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