Five years. Two words that don’t even seem possible to me. It’s as if I blinked and here we are. Our first five years have brought us: [one] incredibly happy marriage, [two] different homes in LA, [three] people now in our sweet little family (well actually four including Soka), [four] the places we’ve lived outside of LA and [five] years we’ve been working together on Hello Gorgeous. That’s a lot of good stuff.
Last year, I shared 4 lessons I’ve learned from 4 years of marriage and all of those points still ring true. My biggest life lessons have all come from my marriage. Here are some biggies that come to mind as I reflect on these past five wonderful years…
Marriage ain’t for the faint of heart. The Merriam-Webster definition of “Faint Of Heart”: lacking the courage to face something difficult… Marriage will be difficult at times, that’s a guarantee. Chances are, you won’t even make it through the honeymoon without at least one small disagreement. I’m not being Debbie Downer here, I’m being 100% realistic. That’s life. You’re throwing two very different people from two different families and two different upbringings into not only a home together but everyday life together. You are absolutely going to have disagreements. If you didn’t, there would be more things to worry about, because it sounds like there’s a lack of communication happening.
Date nights are a requirement. Pre-babies, post-babies, no babies… Wherever you stand on the subject of kids doesn’t matter, date nights need to be a priority. Why does it matter if you don’t have kids? Because life. is. BUSY. Jobs, church, family, friends, responsibilities and a plethora of other things will suck the ever-living life out of you both, if you let it. When you choose marriage, you choose your spouse first. That means your husband comes before everyone and everything, other than God. That’s a tall order for a busybody like me, but at the end of every day, I know that Matt is my top priority on this earth. Regular alone time outside of our house together is what recharges us and helps us to reconnect with each other as Matt and Ang, not Mama and Daddy. Check out this post for some fun date ideas.
Forgiveness is the secret sauce. Behind every great marriage, there’s two people who are really great at forgiving each other. Not only forgiving each other, but also really good at asking each other for forgiveness. The Bible talks about the importance of reconciling, but I find asking for forgiveness does more than just restore the relationship. I think that one simple act requires you to swallow your pride and show your cards, admitting you were wrong for your words, actions and also for their hurt. Those four little words humble you in front of your spouse, leaving little room for anything other than a yes or no answer.
The act of touching is more important than you know. Sex is the glue that holds a marriage together. But when I say touching, I don’t just mean in a sexual way. Physical contact throughout the day acts as a gauge to check the status of your relationship. Hugs, hand holding, back tickles, cuddles and even just a simple foot touch in bed are all non-verbal ways to show your spouse that you’re in this thing together. Contact with each other communicates love, commitment and so much more, especially in those moments when words can’t express what’s on your heart.
Remember that life is lived in the little moments. It’s easy to get lost in the big moments of life- the proposal, the wedding, buying a house, having a baby… These big moments are naturally exciting, but that’s not when real life happens. Real life happens in the quiet mornings having coffee in bed together. Connection happens when you hold hands and say a prayer over a meal or a decision that’s plaguing you both. Passion happens when you lock eyes with your man across a room full of people and feel butterflies because you know you get to go home with him. Love happens when you burn dinner for the 100th time and your hubby happily eats it with a smile on his face, because he’s thankful to have a wife who cares enough to cook for him. Happiness happens in the piles of dirty laundry, sink full of dirty dishes and floors that need swept, because you see it and realize that you live a happy life together within those walls.
I’ve loved every moment of every day being Mrs. Matt Lanter. My prayer for each and every one of you sweet girls reading this post is that you too find your happily ever after. Don’t lose hope. Don’t give up. Your Mr. Right is just around the corner.