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How to Know You’re with a Good Man | Girl Talk Tuesday

How to Know You’re with a Good Man | Girl Talk Tuesday

150 150 Angela Lanter

One of my favorite movies is Tyler Perry’s “Diary of a Mad Black Woman”.  If you’ve never seen this movie, put it on your must watch list immediately.  There are so many life lessons, especially about marriage, that every woman needs to hear.  There is one line that has always stuck with me through the years since I first watched this movie.  That quote the inspiration behind today’s Girl Talk Tuesday post…  “Sometimes you need to be with a terrible man to know what good one feels like.

how to know that you're with a good man girl talk tuesday angela lanter hello gorgeous

how to know that you're with a good man girl talk tuesday angela lanter hello gorgeous

how to know that you're with a good man girl talk tuesday angela lanter hello gorgeous

how to know that you're with a good man girl talk tuesday angela lanter hello gorgeous

That’s been true not only in my own life, but several of my girlfriend’s lives.  Obviously not every woman will read that quote and feel like it applies to her.  I do, however, know that some of you will read this and your heart will start racing.  Your heart is pounding in your ears right now for one of two reasons:  1. You’re like me and you’ve lived that quote out.  You went through that dark phase, but now found your good, good man.  Or, 2. your heart is unsettled and this blog post title is speaking to you.  Either way, you’re in the right place, darling.

I’m not going to use this post to dive into my past dating life, but I am going to use my relationship experience to (hopefully) speak some truths.  Long story short, my relationship before Matt was bad.  I now refer to that time as the darkest period of my life.  trust me when I tell you, I’m speaking from experience when it comes to bad relationships.

How to Know You’re with a Good Man

  1. You have peace.  When you’re in the wrong relationship, you don’t have peace.  Period.  When you’re with a bad man, every part of your life feels unsettled.
  2. You feel happy.  If you’ve ever been in a truly bad relationship, then you know what it feels to be unhappy.  Sometimes the unhappiness is vague, like you can’t put your finger on why you feel the way you feel…  But the unhappiness is just constantly looming.  It’s as if you can’t escape it.  When you’re with a good man, you’re just plain ole happy.  For no good reason at all, your heart is full.
  3. You can sleep at night.  When you’re in a bad relationship, you oftentimes know it because you can’t sleep at night.  For me, that was because I had an aching feeling in my gut that not only was I with the wrong person, but I had a feeling that he wasn’t ever really where he said he was.  I knew somewhere down deep inside that he was lying to me about where he was all. the. time.
  4. Your friends and family actually like him.  This was a huge indicator for me.  My friends and family both tried to tell me over and over (and over) that I was with the wrong person.  I wouldn’t hear it.  I would rather listen to his lies than the truth everyone in my life was trying to tell me.
  5. There are no secrets.  Everything is out in the open.  Neither of you have anything to hide from each other.  Your lives are an open book.  When you’re with the right person, there’s no reason to read into their every action.  There is no reason to go through their phone.  You’re secure in your relationship and you have no reason to doubt each other.
  6. Or lies or manipulation…  When your relationship is built on lies, there’s about a 100% chance that are you’re also being manipulated.  You can’t see the truth right in front of your face because you’re being manipulated.  The lies become the truth to you.
  7. You don’t worry about other women.  A truly good man won’t ever try to make you feel jealous of other women.  He won’t tell you things to try to make you feel insecure.  He won’t tear you down.  He’ll make sure that you know that you’re the only woman for him.

Does any of this apply to you?  Maybe you’re already dating a good man, but he’s not the right one for you.  This is a common problem that I’ve seen time and time again.  Let me give this piece of advice…  If that is your situation, stop wasting his time.  Stop wasting your own time.  Don’t date someone just to keep yourself from being alone.  Being in the wrong relationship and staying in it only robs you of valuable time to be single and learn about yourself.  Women often stay in the wrong relationship just because she’s comfortable, waiting for something else better to come along.  Don’t do this.  Let him go, girl.  Let him be with who he’s supposed to be with.  Be single!  Trust me, it won’t kill you.  Chances are, you’ll make some really awesome memories with your girlfriends when you’re single.  And, you’ll meet your Mr. Right.

Leave a comment below and let me know if this post resonated with you and how.  I’ve said before, I love talking about relationships and y’all seem to love these posts which makes me so happy.


What I’m Wearing:

Velvet Bomber Jacket  (ON SALE 40% OFF!)  //  Hudson High Waist Jeans  //  Paul Mitchell Curling Wand

18 comments
  • Rachel M March 1, 2017 at 11:08 AM

    YEP! All of it. My first adult-ish relationship (I was 18) was like this. Looking back, I’m not negative because I think we both had some growing up to do. But I learned a lot! I met my husband at 20 and we’ve been together since – I’m 29 ? And we have been through HUGE changes: college, medical school & graduate school, a long-distance marriage for 1.5 years! But being with the right person allows you to conquer anything! Looking back to old relationships, it feels like the worst thing ever when you’re going through it, ending it, etc… but the happy ending is worth it!!

    • Toni March 1, 2017 at 11:29 AM

      I’ve only been in relationship for about 24 hours at a time haha, but I remember one guy came to visit me over the weekend after we had been texting for a while because he worked out of town, and one night when he went home, instead of feeling happy, I remember feeling very anxious. And I remember thinking, I’m supposed to be on cloud 9 right now! There wasn’t anything specific that I knew was wrong at the time, but it just didn’t feel right. Even though I liked him, I had to say bye. It always happens for me that I don’t like them enough. Still waiting for the right guy…and I know God has a plan so being patient and not ripping my hair out is my plan right now. I am grateful that I have had a chance to grow up and know myself, and learn as much about relationships as I can before i get in one, so I can be more prepared!

  • Anonymous March 1, 2017 at 11:24 AM

    Thanks for this post! I’m currently with a wonderful man whom I just moved in with and am realizing he is probably not the right one for me. I needed to read this today.

  • Sarah March 1, 2017 at 12:29 PM

    I love this post! I am not with anyone right now but I have felt all of the things you talked about that were wrong. I know what its like to be in a bad relationship and I can’t wait to meet the man that God has picked out just for me! Thank you for your words of wisdom, I admire your heart for the Lord and for your family.

  • Neely March 1, 2017 at 12:41 PM

    This post really spoke to me. I’ve only had 3 serious boyfriends from ages 19-32 (each lasting 6 months or less bc of EVERYTHING listed.) I dated a few other guys, nothing serious, and I felt the exact same way with them too! I reconnected with a college guy that I secretly had a crush on so many years ago (my high school guy friend was his now college roommate- the long version of the story is really precious & just shows how God has His hand in everything!! ❤️ and we have been inseparable ever since! I’m completely at peace and trust him with everything. We are approaching 8 years of marriage. He is my best friend and partner in crime!

  • Anonymous March 1, 2017 at 12:57 PM

    Love love love this love series 😉
    Please keep more blog posts coming. God bless xoxo

  • Sylwia Faal March 1, 2017 at 1:23 PM

    Wow this post is great. It speaks to me and I can agree that good relationship is all you wrote here.
    I been in bad relationship for many years and I can say that it was not a good times for me. I felt manipulated,not good enough and when he was coming back from work I didn’t feel happy.Only one good thing that I have from this relationship are my two beautiful and good hearted kids and I love them more then myself.He left me with bills,kids and at that time I didn’t had nobody who can help me cos my family was far away from me.In this very bad time I found help from person that didn’t know me . He helped me with kids so that I been able to go to work he did so much for me to feel secure and happy again. And after some time we fall in love. He changed my life and himself for me even tho i didn’t ask him to do that.After nearly 7 years his still surprising me and making me so happy,so peaceful and loved.
    Loving your posts.Can’t wait to read another one. Take care dear Angela and may God keep on blessing you and Matt in your relationship. Kisses ???

  • Gretel March 1, 2017 at 7:12 PM

    Absolutely true!
    I went through all of the above with my first and only relationship before I met my husband for two years. At first I was so ‘inlove’ I didn’t see how much I was compromising my value system by trying to stay in the relationship to make it work. I was also spiritually more stronger and in trying to constantly lead the relationship in this area, it left me exhausted and drained. I knew God had someone better in store for me! I met my husband a week after ending my first relationship and after 1 year we were engaged and have been married for 22 years with two beautiful girls. Not only is he my handsome prince but a Godly man and the priest of our home.

  • Laura Stacy March 1, 2017 at 7:46 PM

    Great subject and I can say I was a big part of what you experienced being your mom. I do know that God has taken you down some bumpy roads but it was all worth it because you met the man of your dreams. We are so blessed to have Matt we are so confident you are meant for each other. There is not one bit of doubt we know he takes good care of you and you do the same with him. At first it was pretty hard to imagine you being 3000 miles away but knowing you are the happiest you’ve ever been is worth sacrificing seeing you a couple times a year. Keep God the center of your marriage and he will always bless it. Love you! Mom

    • Amy Zimmerle March 2, 2017 at 8:57 PM

      Aww this made me tear up, I live not to far from my mom but I miss her everyday since I got married and moved to the US where he lives. And by Gods grace, guidance, and direction and with my moms prayers, support and encouragement I married the right man for me…even though I had to go through a lot of bad heart wrenching relationships prior, God used that to grow me and change me into the woman I needed to be before marriage.
      Thank you Mrs. Stacy for sharing and you have a truly wonderful daughter who inspires and encourages so much.
      God bless you both! XO All my love

  • Erin March 1, 2017 at 9:21 PM

    I am with someone but sometimes dont feel like we are compatible much. We have many arguments and then later makeup. Idk what future holds for us but I know we care for each other in some way or another. I know if for some reason we arent right for each other we will part ways and someday God will bring the right good man for me. The right woman for my bf.

    We have an ok relationship but could be better.

    Anyways, you and Matt are so adorable together. Always love your pics together. You two are made for each other. I hope God keeps blessing your marriage for many years to come.

  • Amber Zwart March 2, 2017 at 2:12 AM

    So totally truth! Im so happy to have a good good man! I’ve had my share of bad men to and what you described is so accurate!
    Glad to have my good man now!
    He is an awesome dad, my buddy and he believes more in me than myself! Always supporting and sweet!

  • Julie March 2, 2017 at 6:35 AM

    I love this post. I had been in one bad relationship after another, some abusive. There was a time that I thought that I would never find a good man, or maybe that I didn’t deserve one. Then I met my husband, who became my best friend first. He saved me. We’ve been together now for almost 20 years, and he has managed to make me forget that I ever felt that bad. We have a wonderful son and I am truly blessed to have them both in my life.

  • Anonymous March 2, 2017 at 8:01 AM

    Ang,,,this rings so true of your life and I’m sure so many other women…So glad you have found your GOOD,,GOOD man…and you’re in your happy place,,he’s a gem and he’s also lucky to have found you.You both are meant to be together…xoxox

  • Michelle Johnson March 2, 2017 at 9:30 AM

    It is like you were reading my mind Angela! Went through all that you said. I was in this on/off relationship for 8 years. He did a lot for me in the beginning…more than any of my prior boyfriends so it was great! But then I would catch him lying and cheating. This went on for a while and he would always some how create an excuse or make it my fault. If I ever questioned him about anything, he would get mad at me! Meanwhile my intuition was always right as I would always find out later what he was up to (we live in a small town so there’s always someone looking out). All I had wanted was for him to be like the person he was in the beginning but sadly that didn’t happen. Also note that he was eight years older than me and acted like a 20 year old. I was depressed and would get major anxiety waiting for something else to happen. Last July I finally stopped talking to him after I caught him lying once again. I can now say that I am with someone who makes me feel like I am the only girl in the world and treats me like a princess. He loves me more than anything and tells me I am beautiful everyday. (the other never said that to me in 8 years). We have been friends for 10 years (he has liked me since the day he met me but never said anything as he thought he would never have a chance with me) and a relationship just developed naturally. We have a lot in common (which works very well for us and our personalities). I just moved in with him and never been so happy! He is the best person I could ever ask for and he tells me all the time that he is the luckiest guy! Great post Angela! p.s. Love your mom’s comment!!

  • Adriana March 2, 2017 at 3:31 PM

    I relate to this so very much. Having had my own fair share of bad relationships, I can identify with most of those negative feelings you listed above ESPECIALLY lacking peace, not being able to sleep, and worrying. I just got out of a relationship and even though I hoped that things would work out, he wasn’t the guy for me. Sometimes you have to take a step back to actually be able to acknowledge the red flags. Thankfully, God has a different plan for me. And let me tell you, I have so much peace right now I don’t even know what to do with it! I am so looking forward to using this new season of my life to draw near to Christ and to learn how to wait on His perfect timing. Love Girl Talk Tuesday (even though I’m catching up on a Thursday!) Thanks for being so open and for sharing your heart!

  • Marion March 3, 2017 at 10:23 AM

    hi Angela !

    what a very interesting article (again) !!

    i think the main reason i know im with a good man is because for the first time i feel like i can always be myself with him (never really happened with my ex boyfriends) he loves me for who i am with my flaws, he always supports me , and care for me
    im not very confident when it comes to my job and he s always here to support me and help me
    we talk a lot , and i know i can always be very open and tell him about my feelings
    also he always very caring (i have endometriosis and sometimes im in pain or very tired) he s always taking care of me or helping me when i need it and i dont even have to ask 🙂

    i am very lucky !

    🙂

    have a nice week end !

  • Adriana March 12, 2017 at 8:54 PM

    Angela, you hit it spot on in your last paragraph. I am with a good man, but not with the right one for me. It was so difficult for me to see this because we’ve been together for a year and we’re living together. But I’ve made the decision to leave this relationship. I will be moving out within the next month and leaving this relationship. It’s time I take care of myself, too.

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