I’m tackling one more love topic in our special Girl Talk Tuesday series. It’s not a happy topic. In fact it’s a topic that most of us want to avoid at all costs… Yet it’s something that most of us will experience at some point in our love lives… Breakups.
If you’re like me, you’ve been through a breakup (or ten) in your life, and you have handled at least one of them all wrong. It’s easy to let your emotions take over in these situations, I know. But once the breakup happens, the hardest part comes… Getting over it.
Practical Tips of How to Get Over a Breakup:
- Allow yourself time to be sad. I’m not talking months or years here, but I am talking about a reasonable amount of time to allow your heart to hurt. I believe that a broken heart is some of the worst pain we humans endure.
- Don’t badmouth him. While the wounds are fresh, your emotions are obviously maxed out. This is not the time to tell anyone who will listen every bad thing he ever did… Especially not his family or his friends. Talk to your most trusted friends only. Otherwise, keep the details private until you’re in a better place.
- Understand that each relationship is a learning experience. It may not feel like it at first, but you learn something valuable from each relationship you’re in. My aunt used to say that every guy I dated was a stepping stone to the right man.
- Focus on yourself. After a breakup, there’s nothing you can say or do to change your ex. The good news is that you can change yourself. Use this time to evaluate where you are in life and work on who you want to become.
- Don’t Allow it to start bad habits. Don’t allow yourself to get so depressed that you do things you normally wouldn’t do. If you see yourself starting to pick up bad habits, check yourself before you wreck yourself. Yes a carton of Ben & Jerry’s and a good cry will make you feel better in the moment… Just don’t do it every single night.
- Put the reminders away. Put away the photos and old shirts of his. Don’t toss them just because you’re angry… These are memories of a certain period of your life that you may just want to look back on one day (or not)… But for now, find a box and pack them away, out of view.
- Turn off the sad songs. Sometimes you need to wallow, I get it. But once you’ve had your time to be sad, shut the sad music off. Music has such a grasp on our emotions. When I was in high school, my ex-boyfriend & my song was Brian McKnight’s “Back At One”. When we broke up the first time, every time that song came on the radio it felt like my 15 year old heart was being ripped out of my chest. It was a 3 minute long reminder of something that was over. I had to learn that the second I heard that familiar tune, the station needed to be changed.
- Write. Have too many emotions to deal with? Trying writing them down. Writing down how you feel then reading it back to yourself can sometimes be such a healing experience.
I’m a serial monogamist. I’ve only ever been in serious relationships, so the breakups I’ve been through have been hard. Every tough experience I went through shaped me into the woman I am today. Remember that the pain you’re feeling, the situation you’re in, it’s all just a season. Even when you feel like the world is crashing down around you, know that you are stronger than you realize.
If you’re going through a breakup, I understand how hurt you are. I’ve found that in my breakups are the times that I learned to lean on God the most. When I couldn’t see why I had to go through the hurt, He provided a comfort that I couldn’t get anywhere else.
Photography by Kara Coleen.