7 Tips to Overcome Insecurity | Girl Talk Tuesday
Back at the beginning of this year, I posted a reader survey to see what my Gorgeous Fam wanted to see more of. I expected it would be hands down YouTube videos, and that was a major request. But surprisingly, I had a huge response in the Lifestyle category, requesting more “Lifestyle” type content. I found out just how accurate this response was after releasing posts such as “Reasons to Love Small Breasts“, “5 Truths About Being Married to an Actor” and “10 Symptoms After Coming Off Birth Control“. These posts are easily my most engaged by my readers. That fact opened my eyes. I realized that you’re most likely here, reading this very post, because you want more than just outfit or makeup inspiration. A good percentage of you relate to me (and I relate to you!) and that very realization inspired this new blog series.
Introducing: Girl Talk Tuesday! On Tuesdays, I’m attempting to tackle a subject that affects you and I, the millennial woman. Who are millennial women, you ask? We are the women between the ages of 22 and 36. Don’t fall in that category? That’s okay! You more than likely will also benefit from this ongoing series. After all, regardless of age, we’re all girls, right? Right.
Today I’m tackling a toughie. This topic is something I’ve battled my entire life, along with a large percentage of the women who are reading this post. We’re diving deep into the world of insecurity. Why insecurity? Well… Why not? Mostly, my inspiration for this topic being my first in the series is because I just finished reading Beth Moore’s book, “So Long, Insecurity“. I learned so much about myself through reading this book, so I highly recommend it to every and any woman who suffers from self-doubt.
Maybe it’s too personal for me to open up and talk about my own battle with insecurity. But, hey, I’ve talked about everything from birth control to what undies I wear, so why wouldn’t I talk about it?
Insecurity often starts at a young age for girls, or at least it did for me. Maybe it’s genetic or maybe it’s learned, regardless, I want to unlearn it. I think a lot of women don’t even realize that their issue is insecurity. They associate that stinky word with not trusting their man/relationship, or something similar. But it’s so much more than that.
The definition of insecurity is: uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence. Ouch. Ever lack confidence in yourself? I have and I do. Ever second guess yourself? Always. I often play and replay things that I’ve said to someone. I beat myself up about my tone or how I responded, trying to figure out if the other person took what or how I said something the wrong way. I often feel the need to apologize for the silliest, little things… Basically I sometimes apologize even when an apology isn’t needed or expected. I’m always so afraid of hurting someone’s feelings. Want to know what’s so crazy about that? I myself am not a hyper-sensitive person. I don’t get my feathers ruffled very easily, yet I spend so much of my own time worrying about ruffling someone else’s feathers.
Maybe you’re secure with yourself, but you have a woman in your life who you think may be suffering from severe insecurity. A few signs may be:
- They may tear themselves down.
- They may tear others down to make themselves look or feel better.
- They may have a hard time accepting, acknowledging or congratulating someone else on their good news or accomplishments (jealous; unable to compliment).
- They may need validation.
- They may try to make others feel insecure.
- They may constantly live their life in a state of comparison.
- They may have a hard time maintaining eye contact.
- They may make jokes at their own expense.
Any of these traits sound familiar? Perhaps in yourself or maybe in someone you know. The sooner you recognize what the root issue is (insecurity), the sooner you can deal with it.
Here are a few pointers I learned from Beth Moore’s book:
- We can think another woman is beautiful without thinking we are ugly.
- We can esteem another woman’s achievements without feeling like an idiot.
- We can appreciate another woman’s terrific body/shape without feeling like a total slob.
- The question we should all ask ourselves: why do we have to subtract value from ourselves in order to give credit to someone else? Insecurity is the cause of our bad math.
These are all SO TRUE. Why do we think just because another woman is (fill in the blank) it makes us less of a woman? Why do we ever feel the need to compare ourselves to anyone else? God made us exactly who we were meant to be, yet we’re never happy with His creation (ourselves).
I once heard Heather Dubrow (Real Housewives of Orange County) say that she decided from a young age that she didn’t need any else’s opinion. Can you imagine the freedom in that decision? To be that confident? It really is possible!
Here are a few of my ideas to help us boost our own confidence.
- Figure out the root of your insecurity. Is it your looks? Maybe it’s your weight? Perhaps it’s your intelligence. Whatever it is, figure it out. You can’t deal with something unless you know exactly what it is that you’re dealing with.
- Stop relying on other people’s assessment of you. Your worth is not based on what or how other people think of you. You have to break the chains of needing validation from others. The only opinion that matters is God’s opinion. Let go of the past hurts from words that crushed your self esteem. “She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her.” Proverbs 3:15
- Refuse to play the comparison game in all areas of your life. This has got to be the most damaging thing we women do to ourselves. You were not created to look or act like anyone other than yourself. You were created in God’s perfect image to be you. (Genesis 1:27)
- Realize that you are good enough. This one is easier said than done, I know. But you are good enough. You are pretty enough. You are smart enough. You are everything you put your mind to.
- Release yourself from the people pleasing. Chances are, you put way more pressure on yourself than anyone else does. Please God first. It’s that simple.
- Learn to think positively. When those annoying voices pop up in your head spewing all sorts of negativity, speak back with positivity. Many times, insecurity is a failure to trust God in our lives. Learn to turn over those nagging thoughts of no self-worth and low self esteem to God. God is a God of certainty. He never questions our purpose or our worth, so why do we?
- Learn to laugh it off and move on. Life is too short. Next time you make a mistake, learn from it, maybe even laugh about it, then move on with your life. Don’t dwell on it. It’s over, it’s in the past. Set your sights on the future.
If you found even the tiniest nugget of inspiration from this post, it makes the time I put into Hello Gorgeous beyond worth it. Honestly, writing this post was needed by me just as much as it was by you if you struggle with this issue. Learning to be confident is a journey. Security is valuable and anything that has value is worth working towards. I’m working towards being a more secure and more positive woman.
Please take a moment to leave me a comment and let me know if you too struggle with this issue. I know that I’m not alone. If this touched your heart and you want to see more Girl Talk Tuesday posts like this one, be sure to let me know!
What I’m Wearing:
10 Symptoms I’ve Experienced Coming Off Birth Control
Today’s post is not your typical fashion blogger post… I’m venturing into the land of hormones. Or “hormonees” as Voula would say in “My Big Fat Greek Wedding.” Love that movie!
Many of you know that I suffer from endometriosis. I’ve had it most likely since puberty, but wasn’t diagnosed until my 20’s. After my first laparoscopy surgery, my surgeon advised my only option to keeping the endometriosis at bay was to start birth control. So that’s exactly what I did. I had one more surgery after the initial, but other than that, the endometriosis hasn’t reared it’s ugly head.
Fast forward 7 years after beginning birth control, to this past January. I was experiencing migraine headaches as often as two times per week. My current OBGYN said we had no choice but to stop the birth control, he feared that I may stroke from the combination of the medication and the migraines. So that’s what we did.
I’m sharing the changes I’ve seen in my body since coming off birth control on the off chance that some of my Gorgeous readers are preparing to go through the same experience. This way, you can see what I’ve experienced personally and hopefully either prep you for what’s ahead or maybe feel a little better that you’re not alone. Obviously, I’m not a doctor. This is just what I’ve personally gone through and what has happened to my own body. If you have questions regarding your health or symptoms, be sure to contact your medical provider immediately.
A little background, I first started on Reclipsen and took this oral contraceptive for just over four years. I started experiencing some breakthrough bleeding and my OBGYN switch me to Yaz (I think). I last all of about 2-3 months on this stupid pill. It gave me horrible acne, mood swings and overall made me feel like crap. He then switched me to Nuvaring, which I stayed on up until this past January.
My 10 Symptoms after Coming off Birth Control:
- Acne. Just so I’m clear, I’ve never had acne before in my life. I skipped that stage in my teenage years. I would get an occasional pimple here or there, specifically around/during my period. But nothing more than that. Now? Oh man, now I have regular zits in my hairline and chin. Apparently those two areas are the hormonal break out zones. I get the annoying little under-the-skin bumps as well as the cystic, nasty, need a cortisone shot monsters.
- Blackheads. This would normally be lumped in with acne, but because I have so many, it needs to be it’s very own category. I’ve always had normal blackheads around my nose. Now I have them in excess everywhere. Even in my eyebrows. How does that even happen?!
- Bacne. Again, should be lumped in with acne, but this one is also so major it needs it’s own category. I’ve never had a pimple, white head, blackhead, NOTHING on my neck or back in my life. The clear back days are a distant memory for me. At first I was literally covered from the nape of my neck to my tailbone. Now it’s just mainly around my shoulders. Even though it’s less, it’s still gross. I was getting multiple cystic acne spots on my back that freaking HURT. So painful and not pretty to look at. Of course this nastiness was at it’s all-time worst during summer. And why wouldn’t it be? My open-back tops were kept to a minimum.
- Oil. As a teenager, I had oily skin. But that seems to be the norm. In my 20s, my oiliness evened out. Now the oil is back with a vengeance. My face could easily be considered an oil slick those first few months after birth control. Now, it’s evened out a bit, but still oilier than it was before.
- Oily hair. I’ve always been able to go days in between washing my hair. My hormones decided to pay me back. At first, I didn’t link my oily hair to birth control. I couldn’t understand why all of a sudden, my hair needed to be washed almost every day, when my whole life I washed is 2 times per week. Even dry shampoo wouldn’t hold it over, it had to be washed at least every other day.
- Hair loss. It’s normal to shed hair every day. I know this. But the amount of hair I lose now is insane. My hair is noticeably thinner around my temples. My hair is everywhere. It sheds and I don’t even know it. Talk about annoying. Oh and my baby hairs? It’s as if I grew a new set of bangs overnight. I can’t decide if this is new growth or breakage. Either way, my body somehow missed the memo that my bang days were over in the 7th grade.
- Painful periods. I forgot what cramps were for the most part. Coming off birth control was a stark reminder of what life was like every single month in high school. I mean, I still had cramps even on birth control, but not the “call 911” type of cramps. They haven’t been quite that bad, but definitely worse than I’ve experienced in the past 7 years. I also noticed that my periods stayed on calendar with the same cycle I had while on the pill. I asked my doctor why I didn’t see a change and his response was that my body has changed since I first started the medication 7 years ago.
- Headaches. This one is a major praise. Up until last week, I didn’t have a single migraine in 7 months. When I did get headaches, they were minor and rarely needed even a single Advil. I had my first migraine last week, but I was able to link it back to a new supplement I took (which states the side effect may be migraines) so I immediately stopped taking it.
- Ovulation. I forgot that my body did that. After birth control, you are harshly reminded that this happens every month. The cramps were almost as bad my first few months after the pill as period cramps were. And man oh man, did I get breast pain during this monthly window. I’d never in my life experienced breast pain before this.
- Sense of smell. At first, I thought I had to be pregnant. At certain times of the month, smells would make me so nauseous. I remember being in a car in New York back in March early in the morning. We had driven by a restaurant that was serving breakfast and I thought I was definitely going to vom over the egg smell. Matt thought I was off my rocker, but I couldn’t get the odor out of my nasal passages for miles. It was horrible. Even still, I’ll smell something that will literally smack me in the face and make me feel so sick, but no one else will notice it. And no, I’m not currently pregnant.
After all that complaining, the absence of my migraines makes all of the pain the butt symptoms worth it. Beyond worth it, actually. Migraines were ruling my life. Now they’re in the past, which is exactly where I plan to keep them.
How about you? What symptoms did you or are you experiencing after coming off birth control? Did you experience something I did? Or maybe everything I did? Or did you experience something totally different than I did? I’d love to hear from you! Also, let me know if I should do an updated post about what products I tried throughout this acne journey I’ve been on.
Sanctuary Army Girl Shirt Dress (sold out) | B-Low the Belt Waist Belt | Booties (similar) | Zac Posen Eartha Handbag | Kendra Scott Blake Cuff Bracelets (sold out) | Baublebar Link Bracelet | Anine Bing Lace Bralette
Photos by Valorie Darling Photography.
Reasons to Love Small Breasts
This post goes out to all my fellow sisters that are members of the IBTC (Itty Bitty T*tty Committee). It’s taken me years to embrace the fact that I have a small chest and be okay with it. I was always made fun of growing up for being the tiniest kid in class. I was underweight all through my school years and even weighed in at a solid 96 lbs. (on a good day) at my high school graduation.
In high school, I so badly wanted bigger breasts. I started wearing water bras in my Sophomore year to add a little volume up top. It made me feel a little more proportional (I’ve always had a butt) but one of my girlfriends spilled the beans and I was once again the brunt of all the jokes (I was used to it at this point lol). I remember a cartoon floating around my classroom of me as Britney Spears, on stage performing, with a leak sprung from my water bra.
Needless to say, I’ve tried just about every cup enhancing bra out there. I’ve owned every “Add A Cup”/Padded/Push-Up bra that Victoria’s Secret has ever created. I’ve been so uncomfortable in my own skin because I was so convinced that I needed a fuller chest in order to be more feminine/womanly. I’m not sure when the change happened in me, but one day I woke up and was just totally okay with my B-cups. Here’s a few reasons why smaller breasts are fabulous, in case you too need to be convinced:
- You can easily get away with bralettes and they’re totally a fancy accessory.
- You have better posture with less weight in the front weighing you down.
- You can wear pasties or cutlets and not worry about appearing saggy.
- You can rock the deep-v styles (so in right now!) with ease.
- You never have to worry about needing a breast reduction.
- Button down shirt? No problem!
- Easier time picking swim tops because you can go with more versatile styles.
- I’ve read that it’s easier to get massages and better sleep with smaller boobs.
Now I find myself gravitating towards the deep-v style tops, like this romper. I like that I have the ability to wear this style comfortably. I think there’s something just as sexy about a nice chest and clavicle as there is about cleavage.
I mean no hate for my full chested Gorgeous Girls. There was a time when I wanted to be you, but now I’ve learned to be happy with what God gave me. I also see nothing wrong with women who want to get/have implants. If that’s something that makes you more comfortable with your own body, and you’re doing it for you, then I say more power to ya!
PS- If you’d like to see me do a post about my favorite bras and bralettes, leave a comment below and let me know.
Self Tie Knotted Romper (Under $100) // Stick-On Bra // Sole Society Behati Boots (almost sold out!); similar style here // House of Harlow 1960 Peak to Peak Choker (sold out); love this choker too // Frozen Druzy Earrings