• January 24, 2017

7 Ways You’re Ruining Your Relationship | GTT

7 Ways You’re Ruining Your Relationship | GTT

150 150 Hello Gorgeous by Angela Lanter
Winter Outfit I love: Blue Lace Peplum top, White Skinny Jeans, Steve Madden Over the knee boots, and Louis Vuitton Pochette Metis. Angela Lanter - Hello Gorgeous.

Steve Madden Over the knee boots, and Louis Vuitton Pochette Metis.
Angela Lanter – Hello Gorgeous.

Winter Outfit I love: Blue Lace Peplum top, White Skinny Jeans, Steve Madden Over the knee boots, and Louis Vuitton Pochette Metis. Angela Lanter - Hello Gorgeous. Winter Outfit I love: Blue Lace Peplum top, White Skinny Jeans, Steve Madden Over the knee boots, and Louis Vuitton Pochette Metis. Angela Lanter - Hello Gorgeous. Winter Outfit I love: Blue Lace Peplum top, White Skinny Jeans, Steve Madden Over the knee boots, and Louis Vuitton Pochette Metis. Angela Lanter - Hello Gorgeous. Winter Outfit I love: Blue Lace Peplum top, White Skinny Jeans, Steve Madden Over the knee boots, and Louis Vuitton Pochette Metis. Angela Lanter - Hello Gorgeous. Winter Outfit I love: Blue Lace Peplum top, White Skinny Jeans, Steve Madden Over the knee boots, and Louis Vuitton Pochette Metis. Angela Lanter - Hello Gorgeous. Winter Outfit I love: Blue Lace Peplum top, White Skinny Jeans, Steve Madden Over the knee boots, and Louis Vuitton Pochette Metis. Angela Lanter - Hello Gorgeous. Winter Outfit I love: Blue Lace Peplum top, White Skinny Jeans, Steve Madden Over the knee boots, and Louis Vuitton Pochette Metis. Angela Lanter - Hello Gorgeous. Winter Outfit I love: Blue Lace Peplum top, White Skinny Jeans, Steve Madden Over the knee boots, and Louis Vuitton Pochette Metis. Angela Lanter - Hello Gorgeous.

Welcome back to Girl Talk Tuesday.  Last week we kicked off GTT for 2017 with the first part of my new love series.  Today we’ll be looking at 7 different ways you’re possibly ruining your relationship.

7 Ways You're Ruining Your Relationship Girl Talk Tuesday Angela Lanter Hello Gorgeous

7 Ways You're Ruining Your Relationship Girl Talk Tuesday Angela Lanter Hello Gorgeous

7 Ways You're Ruining Your Relationship Girl Talk Tuesday Angela Lanter Hello Gorgeous

7 Ways You're Ruining Your Relationship Girl Talk Tuesday Angela Lanter Hello Gorgeous

7 Ways You're Ruining Your Relationship Girl Talk Tuesday Angela Lanter Hello Gorgeous

7 Ways You're Ruining Your Relationship Girl Talk Tuesday Angela Lanter Hello Gorgeous

7 Ways You're Ruining Your Relationship Girl Talk Tuesday Angela Lanter Hello Gorgeous

7 Ways You're Ruining Your Relationship Girl Talk Tuesday Angela Lanter Hello Gorgeous

Love and marriage are my favorite subjects to talk about (other than fashion and beauty, duh).  I’ve read many books about marriage (see this post for some inspiration) and have now been married for almost four years.  I’m not a relationship expert by any means.  I just thought I’d shared some experience that I’ve gained throughout my relationships on what not to do.

Maybe you’ll see yourself in one or some of these love faux pas.  If that’s the case, my hope is that you will recognize these behaviors or patterns in yourself and snap out of it.

7 Ways You’re Ruining Your Relationship:

  1. You mother him.  Listen up, ladies…  Your man doesn’t need another mom.  This doesn’t mean that you can’t love on him or spoil your man.  What it does mean is that you don’t have to monitor his every move.  You don’t have to check up on him to make sure he’s doing whatever it is that he’s supposed to be doing.  He’s a grown man.  Let him feel and act like one.
  2. You nag him.  My general rule of thumb for nagging is this: asking once is expected.  Asking twice is a reminder.  Asking three or more times, you’re a nag.  I can hear you arguing with me through your screen right now saying, “But Ang, you don’t know my husband…”  Oh girl, I do.  I have one.  Sometimes I have to ask 10 times.  Other times, I pick my battles and let. it. go.  That’s the take away here…  Decide what’s really important and let the not-so-important stuff go.
  3. You use tears to manipulate.  This one is BAD.  Technically, any form of manipulation is bad, but turning on the waterworks to get what you want is the worst.  I’m not talking about crying when you’re really hurt.  I’m referring to those times when you aren’t getting anywhere in an argument or certain situation, so you resort to tears because you know you’ll get what you want.
  4. You whine when you don’t get your own way.  It’s never easy to see things not go your way.  The way you handle these situations says a lot about your character.  Being a sore loser of an argument makes things tough on everyone involved.  A gracious loser never really loses because she has a positive outlook regardless of the outcome.
  5. You talk bad about him to others.  This is my #1 no-no.  Never run to your mom or girlfriends with fresh wounds from a fight with your man.  You know why?  You’ll kiss and make up.  You’ll forgive, forget and move on with your life.  Others don’t share your same love for him.  They won’t forget the hurt he caused you.  They will keep a scorecard.  You and your man need to mutually select a handful of likeminded people who are your safe places to go to for counsel when problems arise.  These people need to always have your marriage held in the highest regard.  Your true friends will care more about your marriage than they will about your feelings.
  6. You talk down to him.  No one likes to be spoken to in a condescending manner or tone.  Yet, we find ourselves speaking more unkindly to those closest to our hearts than we would a perfect stranger.  Just because he’s your constant, doesn’t mean you suddenly get to disregard his feelings.  I listened to a podcast today about this book and it’s now on my must-read list.  Next time you start to speak or respond in a negative way, try to stop yourself and choose to find the positive in the situation.  Purpose to be sweet to your man, even when he doesn’t deserve it.  When you consistently make this choice, I can almost promise that it will eventually rub off on him.  Try returning anger with kindness.  The angry/bitter cycle has to stop somewhere.  Decide to have it stop with your kind words.  Bottom line: give him respect and he’ll give you love.
  7. You stop trying.  We as women often complain that our men worked so hard to get us, but now that they have us, they don’t try anymore.  If we’re being 100% honest here ladies, are we really still trying?  This is going to look different for all of us.  Some of us used to get dressed up and totally glammed when we were first dating.  Some of us spoiled our boys like crazy.  We found out what they loved and we did those things because we wanted them.  Basically, we loved them and pursued them by speaking their love language.  When we get comfortable in relationships, we get busy and life gets in the way.  The things that were so common in the beginning of your relationship now become the things we do on special occasions.  We don’t get to choose how someone loves us, but we can teach them how we want to be loved by loving on them.  Lead (love) by example, even when life gets in the way, and your relationship will flourish.

Please leave a comment below with a tip or two that you’ve learned to help prevent disaster in relationships.  Or if you have struggled with one of these points mentioned above, leave a comment and let me know.

Photography by Kara Coleen.


What I’m Wearing:

Lace Peplum Top (ON SALE 40% OFF)  //  Hudson Skinny Jeans  //  Steve Madden OTK Boots  //  Louis Vuitton Pochette Metis

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13 comments
  • Andrea January 25, 2017 at 4:57 AM

    Such good tips! My tip is more of an elaboration on your number 5. My mom is my best friend but I have to be careful what I share about my marriage, since she will keep a scorecard so to say.
    I go to my mother in law now whenever I have a gripe. She’s his mom and will always love him no matter what he says or does, so I know it’s a safe place to vent, and she can take my side without me worrying about lasting ill feelings towards my husband.

  • Nikki Arnold January 25, 2017 at 5:16 AM

    These are some fabulous tips that I have read about and talked about with people before!! I am so guilty of mothering because my S.O. had never been in an adult relationship before me and his mother still plays a huge role in our lives. Sometimes it’s hard for me not to push, or nag, but I have been learning to step back. I also have learned that I really only go to one of my girlfriends with venting because she is always fair and unbiased and knows how much I love him and has no problem telling me when I’m the one that’s wrong haha. I love your girl talk!! <3

    Xo Nikki | Thefashionableaccountant.com

  • Sherri January 25, 2017 at 6:58 AM

    I love this list. Even after 22 years of marriage, these all still apply. One I try to do is find ways to tell my man when he is right and what I appreciate about him and what he does. Nothing shuts down an argument faster than when I genuinely say, “Yoy are right about that.” Especially when I am wrong about something, just being able to stop and admit it changes the tone. And you think it would make you mad, but it actually does the opposite — your posture changes toward the argument. It’s like the way choosing gratitude changes your outlook. Thanks for the great blog!! You are knocking it out of the ball park. 🙂

  • Katrina Groves January 25, 2017 at 7:00 AM

    Great tips! This reminded me so much of our counseling and the marriage retreat that we went on before my hubby and I got married. It was so helpful. I’m sure I’m guilty of breaking every one of those at some point but trying my best to show hubby that he is amazing.
    Love this new series for Girl Talk Tuesdays.

  • Kellie January 25, 2017 at 7:07 AM

    Ugh, I’m totally guilty of some of these. It’s so hard to take the high road sometimes, even when you know you should!!
    On a side note: would you ever consider a “book club” type post? The Kindness Challenge looks very interesting, but honestly I don’t have any friends that would read it that I could discuss it with. Just a thought!

  • Tiffany Vogel January 25, 2017 at 8:22 AM

    Very wise advice! You are so sweet ! I’ve been married for 17 years now and it’s all true . It is a long road . (3 children) another tip I tell all my GF’s. Even when you get really mad/ disappointed.. still do the sweet normal daily habits that you normally do (ex: make em coffee ect) don’t disrupt the normal…and it truly helps every time. NOW that doesn’t mean I NEVER get mad , I’ve locked the door & left his toothbrush & pilllows outside in the hallway a time or two. But like you said pick your battles . They don’t want a doormat either . My husband will laugh about it the next day … so depends on there personality.. he is not violent . Those men women should run far away from … But I do need to try to step up in a few areas myself so thanks for the reminder ‼️ He is a best friend and that helps in the long run. And we have the Lord in our life . Trying to be an example to my girls and my son …. A relationship built on passion only will never survive the test of time ..
    blessings Gorgeous…💋Tiffany

  • Lacy Marie January 25, 2017 at 8:56 AM

    I love this post! I’m a marriage and family therapist, so this is very dear to my heart. Out of the tips you shared, #5 is my favorite and one of the biggest things I discuss with people. I am always my husband’s biggest fan!

    I’ll share three other things that I’m a huge advocate of.

    First, be a GOOD STUDENT of marriage!!! We spend at least twelve years in school learning all kinds of things, but the one relationship that we are supposed to remain loyal to ’till deal do us part’ we, so many times, enter blindly with no preparation. If you are proactive toward your relationship, it will prevent a lot of issues instead of having to be reactive and going back to fix problems, some which can be huge. Read solid books on marriage, listen to podcasts (by the way, love Shaunti Feldhahn!), do marriage studies together, and surround yourself with people who care about the marriage relationship and are where you want to grow to be in your marriage! If there is anything to be a good student at, anything to invest in, why wouldn’t it be the relationship you will hold to more than anything in this life.

    Secondly, set boundaries! I’ve honestly seen so much hurt and have met with people in their devastation of feeling betrayed and let down, not because who they married was a ‘bad’ person, it was because there were no boundaries set. We all have tough days where we might not ‘feel’ in love with our spouse, and when that’s the case during your bad day, boundaries will play such an important role. My husband and I made a commitment when we got married that we would never be alone with the opposite sex except for a family member. Not because we are paranoid or controlling, but because we aren’t ignorant toward the fact that nobody is above a mistake when they are having a hard day or are in a hard season of life. We recognized that that included ourselves and that protecting our marriage meant that much to us. Now, we’ve had moments where there had to be exceptions (meeting with a boss, being dropped off at the airport) but during these exceptions it was always communicated. It’s just something that has been very important to us. Again, this is being proactive. Boundaries are for protecting what you love.

    Lastly, I’ll share that one’s view on the meaning of ‘love’ can prevent a disaster in marriage. So many people view love as a feeling, but it’s actually a choice followed-up by an action. Seriously, if we base our love on feelings, we are in BIG trouble, especially as women, HA! Can you imagine our hormonal issues having control of our marriages? Love in marriage is making the choice to be that person’s best friend, to hold their hand on the bad days, to fight for them and with them instead of against them, and to think rationally when you are having a bad day and don’t ‘feel’ those sparks you once did. It’s so much deeper than a feeling.

    Thanks for being bold enough to speak on this topic! I’m very passionate about this because my life was changed and literally turned upside-down as a teenager due to a marriage disaster that directly affected me.

  • Lacy Marie January 25, 2017 at 8:58 AM

    By the way, I WANT that gorgeous top!!!! Is it on the website???

  • Stepheni Collins January 25, 2017 at 9:43 AM

    Wow! This is such a helpful post. I’m a young woman who isn’t married and not dating anyone, but it’s never too early to start practicing and learning helpful tips! I love this blog and I am so thankful for it. I’m also learning a lot from reading the comments posted above! So good! Thanks Angela!

  • Jessica January 25, 2017 at 10:01 AM

    Alongside the smothering point, I think a tip I have learnt personally from my experiences is to ensure both of you have time apart, even if just for a few hours to socialise with family or friends, or alternatively just to pursue a hobby such as reading – just simply time apart, as I truly believe ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ and it will lead you and your man to have a wider breadth of discussions and interest in each others’ lives, especially if you spend a lot of time together day to day.

    Love the blog Angela!

  • Liina January 25, 2017 at 10:25 AM

    Thanks for the post. Love it!
    Which website or app you are using for listening all these interesting books?
    I am so new to podcasts.
    Thank You!

  • Niharika February 18, 2017 at 1:51 AM

    Reading this blog made me realize how stupid I was and how I hurt my boyfriend by doing some of the above mentioned things because of my insecurities and I hope its not too late now 🙁

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