7 Tips to Overcome Insecurity | Girl Talk Tuesday

7 Tips to Overcome Insecurity | Girl Talk Tuesday

1024 683 Angela Lanter

 

Girl Talk Tuesday: Insecurity PilyQ Michelle Dress Rosemary Beach, FL 30A girl talk tuesday insecurity angela lanter hello gorgeous

 

Back at the beginning of this year, I posted a reader survey to see what my Gorgeous Fam wanted to see more of.  I expected it would be hands down YouTube videos, and that was a major request.  But surprisingly, I had a huge response in the Lifestyle category, requesting more “Lifestyle” type content.  I found out just how accurate this response was after releasing posts such as “Reasons to Love Small Breasts“, “5 Truths About Being Married to an Actor” and “10 Symptoms After Coming Off Birth Control“.  These posts are easily my most engaged by my readers.  That fact opened my eyes.  I realized that you’re most likely here, reading this very post, because you want more than just outfit or makeup inspiration.  A good percentage of you relate to me (and I relate to you!) and that very realization inspired this new blog series.

PilyQ Michelle Dress Rosemary Beach, FL 30A girl talk tuesday insecurity angela lanter hello gorgeous

Introducing: Girl Talk Tuesdays!  Every Tuesday I’m going to attempt to tackle a subject that affects you and I, the millennial woman.  Who are millennial women, you ask?  We are the women between the ages of 13 and 33.  Don’t fall in that category?  That’s okay!  You more than likely will also benefit from this ongoing series.  After all, regardless of age, we’re all girls, right?  Right.

Today I’m tackling a toughie.  This topic is something I’ve battled my entire life, along with a large percentage of the women who are reading this post.  We’re diving deep into the world of insecurity.  Why insecurity?  Well…  Why not?  Mostly, my inspiration for this topic being my first in the series is because I just finished reading Beth Moore’s book, “So Long, Insecurity“.  I learned so much about myself through reading this book, so I highly recommend it to every and any woman who suffers from self-doubt.

Maybe it’s too personal for me to open up and talk about my own battle with insecurity.  But, hey, I’ve talked about everything from birth control to what undies I wear, so why wouldn’t I talk about it?

Insecurity often starts at a young age for girls, or at least it did for me.  Maybe it’s genetic or maybe it’s learned, regardless, I want to unlearn it.  I think a lot of women don’t even realize that their issue is insecurity.  They associate that stinky word with not trusting their man/relationship, or something similar.  But it’s so much more than that.

The definition of insecurity is: uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence.  Ouch.  Ever lack confidence in yourself?  I have and I do.  Ever second guess yourself?  Always.  I often play and replay things that I’ve said to someone.  I beat myself up about my tone or how I responded, trying to figure out if the other person took what or how I said something the wrong way.  I often feel the need to apologize for the silliest, little things…  Basically I sometimes apologize even when an apology isn’t needed or expected.  I’m always so afraid of hurting someone’s feelings.  Want to know what’s so crazy about that?  I myself am not a hyper-sensitive person.  I don’t get my feathers ruffled very easily, yet I spend so much of my own time worrying about ruffling someone else’s feathers.

Maybe you’re secure with yourself, but you have a woman in your life who you think may be suffering from severe insecurity.  A few signs may be:

  • They may tear themselves down.
  • They may tear others down to make themselves look or feel better.
  • They may have a hard time accepting, acknowledging or congratulating someone else on their good news or accomplishments (jealous; unable to compliment).
  • They may need validation.
  • They may try to make others feel insecure.
  • They may constantly live their life in a state of comparison.
  • They may have a hard time maintaining eye contact.
  • They may make jokes at their own expense.

Any of these traits sound familiar?  Perhaps in yourself or maybe in someone you know.  The sooner you recognize what the root issue is (insecurity), the sooner you can deal with it.

Here are a few pointers I learned from Beth Moore’s book:

  • We can think another woman is beautiful without thinking we are ugly.
  • We can esteem another woman’s achievements without feeling like an idiot.
  • We can appreciate another woman’s terrific body/shape without feeling like a total slob.
  • The question we should all ask ourselves: why do we have to subtract value from ourselves in order to give credit to someone else?  Insecurity is the cause of our bad math.

These are all SO TRUE.  Why do we think just because another woman is (fill in the blank) it makes us less of a woman?  Why do we ever feel the need to compare ourselves to anyone else?  God made us exactly who we were meant to be, yet we’re never happy with His creation (ourselves).

I once heard Heather Dubrow (Real Housewives of Orange County) say that she decided from a young age that she didn’t need any else’s opinion.  Can you imagine the freedom in that decision?  To be that confident?  It really is possible!

Here are a few of my ideas to help us boost our own confidence.

  1. Figure out the root of your insecurity.  Is it your looks?  Maybe it’s your weight?  Perhaps it’s your intelligence.  Whatever it is, figure it out.  You can’t deal with something unless you know exactly what it is that you’re dealing with.
  2. Stop relying on other people’s assessment of you.  Your worth is not based on what or how other people think of you.  You have to break the chains of needing validation from others.  The only opinion that matters is God’s opinion.  Let go of the past hurts from words that crushed your self esteem.  “She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her.” Proverbs 3:15
  3. Refuse to play the comparison game in all areas of your life.  This has got to be the most damaging thing we women do to ourselves.  You were not created to look or act like anyone other than yourself.  You were created in God’s perfect image to be you. (Genesis 1:27)
  4. Realize that you are good enough.  This one is easier said than done, I know.  But you are good enough.  You are pretty enough.  You are smart enough.  You are everything you put your mind to.
  5. Release yourself from the people pleasing.  Chances are, you put way more pressure on yourself than anyone else does.  Please God first.  It’s that simple.
  6. Learn to think positively.  When those annoying voices pop up in your head spewing all sorts of negativity, speak back with positivity.  Many times, insecurity is a failure to trust God in our lives.  Learn to turn over those nagging thoughts of no self-worth and low self esteem to God.  God is a God of certainty.  He never questions our purpose or our worth, so why do we?
  7. Learn to laugh it off and move on.  Life is too short.  Next time you make a mistake, learn from it, maybe even laugh about it, then move on with your life.  Don’t dwell on it.  It’s over, it’s in the past.  Set your sights on the future.

If you found even the tiniest nugget of inspiration from this post, it makes the time I put into Hello Gorgeous beyond worth it.  Honestly, writing this post was needed by me just as much as it was by you if you struggle with this issue.  Learning to be confident is a journey.  Security is valuable and anything that has value is worth working towards.  I’m working towards being a more secure and more positive woman.

Please take a moment to leave me a comment and let me know if you too struggle with this issue.  I know that I’m not alone.  If this touched your heart and you want to see more Girl Talk Tuesday posts like this one, be sure to let me know!


What I’m Wearing:

PilyQ Michelle Dress  //  Accessory Concierge Earrings

47 comments
  • Megan October 5, 2016 at 5:11 AM

    My favorite post yet! Thanks for sharing. ❤️

  • Lyndee October 5, 2016 at 5:43 AM

    What a wonderful post! I love how you drew everything back to God, because He truly is the source of our confidence. I like to think of Jesus as the “bouncer” of my brain! If it’s not positive “Jesus says get outta here”! Lol! Taking those insecure or negative thoughts captive and just locking me the door and throwing away the key has helped me tremendously! It takes time and practice but it works! If we center ourselves in “God confidence ,” we can’t be shaken…no matter what comes! Thank you for this post! I love “getting to know you” more! Praying blessings on you during this phase of your life!! Hugs!

  • Francesca October 5, 2016 at 6:52 AM

    Beautiful post!

  • Naomi October 5, 2016 at 10:12 AM

    Love this post so much!! I also really appreciate that you mentioned our worth comes from God! I so wish more people knew that!! Thanks for using your platform in such a wonderful way! I would love to see blogs about what Christian books you are reading or studies you are doing. 😘

  • Lexi October 5, 2016 at 10:46 AM

    Thank you for sharing this blog post! I have always struggled with insecurity, so I will have to check out the Beth Moore book. (Also Timeless was awesome!)

    God bless ❤️

  • Tatiana October 5, 2016 at 11:30 AM

    I’m already a huge fan of girl talk tuesdays!!!!
    Thank you for opening up like this on this blog, it’s a really big issue for you! I will totally look for this book you recommend!
    Love this new posts, we can share our girls daily issues!!!! Congrats Angela!

  • Morgan Olson October 5, 2016 at 11:30 AM

    This was so great! I especially like point number three! “Refuse to play the comparison game in all areas of your life!” This is such a good reminder… that God gave us all different bodies, all different characteristics, and all different interest! The list could go on… I think we need to gain confidence in who we are as women of God… and trust that He is in control of all aspects of our life! Thanks for posting this! Keep them coming !!! 😘

  • Hannah Connolly October 5, 2016 at 11:39 AM

    This post is amazing! Not only are you so open, but you also spread the word of God! You represent real women and so it’s inspirational to see someone be so open and honest with how they feel. I always love you posts and look forward to reading them! I think girl talk Tuesday is a great idea and will help a lot of women! God bless xx

  • Kaeli Reed October 5, 2016 at 1:43 PM

    Loved this post and such a great topic!! I loved what you shared from Beth Moore. Wasn’t that book good?!?! I have learned so much over the years on how and why to take your thoughts captive. So important and life giving and life changing! Thanks for sharing!! Beautifully written. Can’t wait to read more. Xoxo

  • Jillian Burroughs October 5, 2016 at 2:14 PM

    Hi Angela!!

    I enjoyed this so much, please continue with girl talk Tuesday’s!
    I love the fact you based your insecurities back to God. He is our main root in life and a huge help when we get discouraged.

    I too have struggled with insecurity, not being pretty enough for my husband and worrying all the time about what other people think. God has truly helped me get through this struggle and “rut in the road.”
    “All days of the oppressed are wretched, but the cheerful heart has a continual feast. ~Proverbs 15:15

    Stay strong girlie, you are so gorgeous inside and out. I love that you are raw, real and relatable with your gorgeous girls. We all have imperfections and battles in life, but nothing is too big for the Lord to handle 🙂

    God Bless 😘💕

  • Del Scott October 5, 2016 at 2:31 PM

    Love! Saw the post on Snapy-Chats (lol) about THIS blog post! I love this series and I look forward to many more! I am a working momma of 3 from Texas and finding your blog and social media is helping me tune into my woman-hood and balance it with mommy-hood.

  • Brittany Blackburn October 5, 2016 at 4:30 PM

    Hi Angela!

    I’m so glad you’re beginning this series! Girls definitely need these reminders! Thank you for blessing the world through your writing & tutorials! I emailed you months ago with the subject ‘Just wanted you to know…’ to both your angela & hello gorgeous emails. I’m wondering if you ever received it.

  • Karoline October 5, 2016 at 4:54 PM

    This blog post is so so encouraging! I never really realized how insecure I am in myself until I analyzed how I think of myself through the points you listed. I struggle a lot with comparison, I never feel good enough nor that I am cared for, so I tend to tell myself I’m not worth being cared for, and soon I start to believe it. But the crazy thing is that the only one who’s opinion actually matters is the one who cares so deeply to send his son to die for us. I forget that so often, that I am cared for and loved by the greatest of all! I am loved by the one who defines love! Thank you so much for posting this, for sharing kindness and God’s love.

  • Andrea October 5, 2016 at 4:58 PM

    Thank you for this. I constantly struggle with a lack of self confidence! It’s something I work on everyday. Your words really spoke to me and I love how you speak your faith!! God is good and every bit of that is true 💗💗 Big big fan of Hello Gorgeous & you and your hubby!

  • Tamra October 5, 2016 at 5:01 PM

    Thank you for this, it’s just what i needed to push me to apply for a competitive position at my company!

  • Kianna White October 5, 2016 at 5:02 PM

    I’ve been a huge fan for a while. You are so inspiring and encouraging not to mention insanely gorgeous! I absolutely love how relatable you are, I always look forward to your next post/video. God bless and have a wonderful day!!

  • Maura Gripp October 5, 2016 at 5:30 PM

    Great post I hope you keep up with girl talk Tuesdays because these are great topics. I realized I do have a lack of confidence I have the same issues you do I also apologize for the littlest things and hate ruffling feathers so I don’t speak up when I should. I think you are the poster girl for the statment Be Your Own Kind of Beautiful.

  • Hannah October 5, 2016 at 6:02 PM

    Beautifully said ❤ thank you for being real!

  • Erin October 5, 2016 at 6:12 PM

    Great post! I love girl talk Tuesdays and hope you keep doing them. I struggle with not feeling good enough I like how you put in scripture I found it very uplifting. I know you have helped a lot of women by writing this. Thank you and God bless!

  • Kylie October 5, 2016 at 6:16 PM

    So glad you are starting this blog series and especially glad that your first post was on insecurities. Your words came at exactly the time that I needed them. You have no idea how much this post means to me. Thank you!

  • Francesca October 5, 2016 at 6:24 PM

    Love this post! I’m definitely going to put those tips to use! Thank you for being so open and honest! ❤️

  • Ashley C. October 5, 2016 at 7:51 PM

    Thank you!! I love this. Keep be awesome and inspiring. God Bless!

  • Maggie October 5, 2016 at 7:59 PM

    You are a true inspiration ! Watching your snaps and reading your blogs have inspired me to make my own blog page on Facebook to just let all my feelings out. Thank you for being you, and so real. ❤️

  • Susan October 5, 2016 at 8:10 PM

    Thank you!!!! I am 34, but this definitely hits home! I’ve dealt with insecurity since I was young and it has affected every aspect of my life. From jobs and relationships to my marriage. I am a fairly friendly and outgoing person so I think people confuse that with me being confident and secure. I am a people pleaser to the max. I am a 5th grade special ed teacher with a lot of pressure put on me so I constantly question everything I do or say.
    Sorry so long! Thanks again!

  • Sheridan October 5, 2016 at 8:47 PM

    I loved this post so much Ang! Thank you for being so open & willing to share! Miss you!!

  • Sharine October 5, 2016 at 8:59 PM

    Hey, I myself struggle with insecurity sometimes. But here are some things I’ve learned:
    – Value God’s opinion more than anyone else’s. (It’s easier to please an audience of One, especially if He loves you unconditionally).
    – Learn that everyone has their struggles, even if some people hide it well.
    – Quit overthinking. [overthinking truly sucks, it creates an unreal world]
    – Learn to highlight your worths instead of magnifying your weaknesses
    – Remember YOU are beautiful, loved, worthy, and enough. Never forget:)

    Thank you for this post and for being real. It is appreciated!

  • Brooke October 5, 2016 at 9:01 PM

    This hit home big time. I always felt growing up and now still sometimes that I wasn’t as pretty as other girls, that I wasn’t as skinny or as smart, or even fun to be around. And I used to and still do sometimes get down on myself and feel insecure. I loved reading this and gained some perspective definitely! Thank you for posting ❤️ Big fan.

  • Iatie October 5, 2016 at 9:28 PM

    This post was just what I needed today. I can relate and reading your suggestions will help me! We al compare ourselves to others even when we try not to. Thank you for this post and I enjoy these posts just as much as your tutorials and fashion posts!

  • Brianne George October 5, 2016 at 9:54 PM

    Awesome post! Your tips are perfect and now I want to get that book!

    Xo,
    Brianne
    http://Www.scrubsandsparkles.com

  • Manté October 5, 2016 at 10:33 PM

    So glad you’re starting the girl talk Tuesday, think its so important that girls hear it from an inspiring person who goes through the same struggles. Awesome tips!

  • Caroline October 6, 2016 at 2:04 AM

    I love your honesty Angela. Thank you for inspiring me to apply the great tips from your post. ❤️🇮🇪

  • Jennifer October 6, 2016 at 4:36 AM

    This was beautiful to read. Thank for your sharing your heart out lately. I struggle with a lot of insecurities and everything you just said reminded of what I need to believe in myself! ❤️

  • Andrea October 6, 2016 at 6:50 AM

    Thank you for this post. I saw it yesterday, and I think it took a little while to really get its meaning across to me. I’m not quite a millennial – well I actually miss the category by a few more years than I’d like, but I do read all your posts, and find more than enough that’s relevant for me to make them things I look forward to. Its sometimes really easy to fall into the trap of believing that the people we see in our social media feeds lead a glamorous life, and are never plagued by bad hair days, bad outfit days and that nagging worry that what they say or do isn’t good enough. It’s a difficult thing to admit, and to hear it from someone who so graciously allows us a peek into their life, thoughts and (outstanding makeup tips!) makes it a bit easier to think about, and talk about. Hope you are settling in to your new home well, it’s great to see the blog up and active again. All the best.

  • Sarah October 6, 2016 at 7:01 AM

    Sometimes God puts small signs up in our path to tell us what we need to know…this post was one of those signs. Thanks for writing it.

  • tina October 6, 2016 at 8:48 AM

    This is a great post Angela. I struggle with insecurity EVERY DAY thinking that i need to live up to the celebrity women out there 24/7 even though i don’t have to. I hate being insecure and these pointers is something i should keep in mind at all times. I am ME. and i can’t be someone else,but it’s the feeling of not being good enough…i turned 28 today and i still have acne skin and i hate it..makes me feel like i’m forever 17 and sometimes i feel lost and i don’t know what to do or what products i should use to get rid of it. but i wiill keep trying and i’m so happy that you open up about these things too.

    so much love to you and you are my favourite youtuber 🙂 i love your blog and your videos.

  • Charity October 6, 2016 at 11:15 AM

    This was such an inspiring post Angela. I loved every bit of it because you kept it real. Much agreed that we all have our own insecurities and even in our adult lives it is good to be reminded that we can learn from them and overcome them. I needed a little reminder that God has made us exactly who we should be!

  • Katelyn October 6, 2016 at 12:22 PM

    Oh wow i really needed this today! I’ve had the hardest time with my insecurities and its something i too have been working on for years! It often makes it hard for me to be social because I’m always doubting myself but I’m slowly working on it!!! Love you and love your posts! Beautiful inside and out!!!! ❤❤ (ps snapchat fam and there should be a pop up lukes diner in Vancouver so I’m told)

  • Candace October 6, 2016 at 2:45 PM

    I really enjoyed this, Angela! I agree with everything you said. And Beth is so great! She will really dive into topics in ways you’d never think to go. She gets so deep in her messages 🙂
    I’ve been working on insecurities and it really is a daily decision to be secure in who I am in Christ.
    I didn’t really become too seriously insecure in the area of my body image until I got married. I worry too much about what is going on in my husband’s mind and if I look good enough even though he compliments me all the time! 😕
    I learned that I can make my insecurity worse by saying things I don’t need to say, bc it actually directs my husbands attention to another woman when really, he could’ve been thinking about how good dinner was a few minutes ago.
    In other areas of insecurity, I worry that people will misunderstand me aaall the time and that they won’t like me! but I’m not a people pleaser.
    It really does all come down to not being secure in who God made me to be. I’m so glad you made that point bc it’s the truth! Being insecure brings about so many issues and it really just makes everything we do harder on us. Thanks for this post!
    <3

  • Jessica October 6, 2016 at 5:19 PM

    Thank you so much for writing posts like this! I have been struggling lately with shame and self esteem issues and I really love how real you are with your struggles. It is so encouraging to me that to have someone in the “lime light” taking a stance for what is right and encouraging other young women. I appreciate you sharing your relationship with Jesus and helping other’s see what a true christian looks like. Thank you!

  • Arshia Amin October 9, 2016 at 1:00 PM

    Loveee this! Just wanted to tell you that what you’re doing really, actually makes a difference and you’re one of those superheroes that don’t wear a cape.

  • Teri October 11, 2016 at 3:37 AM

    Thank you so much for the blog on insecurities..I could and do identify with all of it..and I am a work in progress..
    It is very interesting to me..and I do the comparison thing..that for a famous person to be insecure..blows my mind..and it makes me feel more relatable..and that we are all connected..and we ALL have our insecurities.. however they may be different..
    I love GOD..and I am reading in snipets..sections of the Bible…wherever it falls open is where I read…
    Love this page..so glad I saw you and your husband on the Today show..thank you for the blessings of this writing.. Hugs and light..
    Teri

    • Angela Lanter October 18, 2016 at 4:04 PM

      Oh my gosh, I’m definitely not famous, just a blogger!
      Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment, Teri! I love that you have a heart for God. 🙂

  • Vivianne October 16, 2016 at 4:24 PM

    This is amazing! Thank you so much for writing this and including scripture! That was probably my favorite part 🙂 When I started reading this I didn’t think it applied to my life.. but then when I started reading the 7 ways you listed to boost your confidence..whoa! So I wrote them down on my journal and I want to apply just one per week for the next 7 weeks and make them habits in my life. Thanks so much Angela!

  • Risha February 8, 2017 at 12:08 PM

    I love this post and everything you’ve shared. I’m 37 years old, and in the last year or two, insecurity has flared up for me in a big way. After so many changes in my life stages (student, single adult, married, working, having kids, not working, raising kids, homeschooling kids), I feel like I’ve lost my identity and question whether I ever have known who I really am in the first place. All my life, I’ve been a people pleaser. I base so many of my actions on people’s response to mine, and worse, what I imagine their response is to me. Your description of yourself in this post, how you apologize to people, how you don’t get ruffled easily but you’re always worried you’re ruffling someone else… exact description of me!

    I came across Beth Moore’s book last summer when I was at a high point with my insecurity and anxiety. I started it, but life got in the way, and I never finished it. You’ve now motivated me to get back to it. I really long for the freedom of being content in who God made me to be and really knowing who that is. His Word is so full of great truth!

    Thanks for sharing your heart and getting real here! Such an encouragement!

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